Im 28, got engaged in September and I am STRESSED.
Quick-ish back story: my parents had me at 17. I’ve never been close with my mom. Her and my stepdad HATE my dad and stepmom. My little brother also died by suicide 3 years ago, so I feel she’s projecting those emotions on the kid she doesn’t interact with.
Because of my family dynamics I knew I wanted to elope/ have a private ceremony followed by a great party. Mom and stepdad shot down my idea hearing alcohol and then tried making me invite my entire stepdads family (who I see once maybe every 3-4 years). After not hearing anything for a few months my stepmom reached out to me offering to host a party for her side of the family to celebrate us. I was ecstatic! The only person to show interest other than my future MIL. Unfortunately my people pleasing skills came in and I felt the need to run this by my mom. She said it was fine, sat on it and then her and my stepdad both texted me telling me I was shitting on his family and they’re not okay with this. Then my mom (after not talking for 10+years) proceeds to call my stepmom and be so nasty to her. I’ve never been so appalled and embarrassed in my entire life over my mother’s behavior. Especially when she has not given me the time of day basically my whole life. And every time I talk about the wedding sure doesn’t care at all until she does. And when she does it’s not pretty.
This being said I’m an anxious mess have been crying so much and am simply not enjoying this because of that situation. I want to throw a party for mine and my finances closest friends and family. I feel like o have to invite my mom/stepdad and at the very least his mom.
This is where I need help:
- Do I send out save the dates with RSVPS with a “details to follow” in order to figure out if they will even show up or not? I feel this also will help our headcount in finding a restaurant to host this party at.
- Do I send the invite/information anyways risk them not RSVP-ing and showing up anyways??
