Common on the internet vs real life

The vast majority of the weddings I go to are Jewish, so a lot of stuff I see here is totally foreign to me. For example a large "Catholic gap" between the ceremony and reception (I don't know why anyone would want to get married in a Catholic church, it sounds like a huge pain from start to finish). Dry weddings, weddings without a full dinner served, and casual dress codes are unheard of -- black tie is much more common.


Also since we're in the NYC area, these tiny budgets I see here blow my mind. Posters who have a budget of $5000 and want to feed 100 guests, that would be literally impossible here. A photographer alone will run you $3k MINIMUM. I had sticker shock when we first started looking for vendors, but I quickly accepted that it's just the way things are and this is the way it has to be unless we want to make all our friends and family fly to small town Wyoming to have a cheaper event.

View Quoted Comment

Lol I'm the opposite about gaps. I think all the weddings I attended growing up were at Catholic churches in the morning with an evening reception someplace else, so the gap seemed like a completely normal thing to me. I didn't realize they were an issue until I started looking through these forums. I am with you on the small budgets though. The cost of living is high where we live too, which translates into EVERYTHING costing way more. I guess one of the perks of getting married in a Catholic church is that it's SUPER cost-effective 😂

Engagement parties. I’ve been to 15+ weddings and zero engagement parties. It’s not common where I live in the Northeast.

The vast majority of weddings that I go to are Nigerian and they would be considered are over the top. They can range in the mid to high six figures and include dropping an enormously large cake from the ceiling. Rolls Royce’s as wedding presents, multiple gown changes and a range of other things. I too like the previous posters and very impressed by individuals who have a wedding budget of $5000. I won’t even begin to share how much our budget is but it’s more than out of control. But given our location and circles totally within the realm of normalcy.

Interestingly I see a lot of people say no cash gifts on here and that’s common as far as I know and with weddings I’ve attended. Dry weddings are not normal in my circle

View Quoted Comment Yes! I’m in NY but getting married in Maryland. Our photographer is from Ny and travels a lot so we hired him. He’s on the higher end and costing us $6500😬 these small budgets are crazy

View Quoted Comment I live in NY and didn’t have one or know anyone that had one either

I’ve literally never been to a dry wedding or one where a dinner wasn’t served. It’s also not common for physical gifts to be given- nearly every guest gives monetary gifts. Head tables are also never done in our friend/family circles any more (haven’t seen one in at least 10 years)- everyone ensures their guests are seated with their significant others.

View Quoted Comment I went to a dry wedding this month and we left and grabbed a bottle of wine. It just seemed like the right thing to do.

Haha, so funny, it's the opposite here - I've never been to a wedding with a register - cash gifts are very much the norm. I've also never been to a dry wedding, or heard of anyone having one. It's also fairly uncommon for children to be invited to weddings, I would say childfree is typical.

Buffet meals are likewise uncommon - alternate plate drop is more usual.

Other things we don't really do here: cake and punch weddings (I'd never even heard of them before I came here, although I think they're a lovely way to handle having a small budget); engagement parties or bridal showers - they do sometimes happen, but most often don't; it being offensive to provide a dress code (I've never heard of anyone being offended by this, and in fact most people find it useful to have); garter and bouquet tosses (I've never been to a wedding with either of these); anyone using fake flowers or wood flowers - they seem VERY common online, but I've never been to a wedding which had those before.

View Quoted Comment

This is my experience 100% too

Until WW, I've never thought to gender work. Who knew female friends were free wedding labor, and male grooms inconsequential?? They're always surprised their relationships sour . . .

I also have never been to a casual wedding, day wedding, potluck, or a wedding with children.

Uncommon in my area: engagement parties, physical gifts at the wedding, money dances (didn't know about these until WW), cake and punch weddings.

I'm in NY too and I agree about being shocked/jealous of the small budgets. If you go to any typical wedding venue in my area, you are looking at spending at least $25K (even for smaller weddings, because they raise the per person cost if you have less people). People that don't want to do that either elope or go to the courthouse and go to dinner after.

View Quoted Comment

I'm in NYC, too. When others say you get more bang for your buck in New Jersey . . .

I've seen so many weddings on tiktok or instagram with over the top floral displays and I've never seen someone who has done that.

Grooms cakes!

never heard of it at all around my area but i see it on WW a lot!

I've never been to a wedding with a neon monogram.

And every single bridal shower invitation I've ever received has the registry link right on it. The etiquette around "word of mouth" is so odd to me and seems like it puts way more work on guests and the shower hosts!

-Having a late night food truck or a coffee/dessert truck in addition to dinner reception. I can’t even imagine how much that’ll be just for a couple of hours.
- second dresses. I had a hard time spending $$$ on one dress so I can’t even imagine purchasing two! I guess if you have the budget then why not
-invitation rule that it should be sent out 6 weeks before wedding. Most of our friends need months to request off. I truly envy those who can take off so easily -Haven’t attended a wedding w/buffet, potluck or dry wedding

In my experience mismatching bridesmaids dresses. I see on the Internet how this is the new trend, and having bridesmaids matching is old fashioned. Most weddings I've been to have the bridesmaids wearing the same dress.

I must've been living under a rock or not enough people I know get married, because anytime there's an article/video outlining wedding trends that need to die in [Year] I think "This was a thing?" That being said, some trends might be more region-specific depending on the "dying" trend?

Things like 100% rustic themed wedding in places that are not inherently rustic, pampas grass (the only ones I see are the artificial ones in Homegoods), wedding party putting on a show with choreographed dance, and signage/labels/decor that reference the stereotypical "ball-and-chain" metaphor.