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Devoted October 2019

Christmas Gifts🎄(gift Giving-to do or not to do?)

Star, on December 13, 2019 at 2:42 PM Posted in Married Life 1 4

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What’re y’all getting for Christmas gifts for everyone? Especially for your husband?
Something elaborate & exotic like a vacation?
Or something intimate & romantic like a date night in with a possible back rub?
(A little extra info about myself below and some venting-don’t have to read if you don’t like since it can be lengthy-like I’m best known for🤣-just wanting some advice on what y’all think if you’d like to, if not feel free to post your answer/s to questions above or even just state your favorite part about Christmas).
My husband wants nice house shoes however as much as I want to I’m not able to do surprises anymore for anything. (Which was fun and I miss that) & Neither is he able to do surprises for me haha. Can’t have surprise/last minute parties because of our schedules and since we work where we do our pay isn’t terrible which is nice but it makes it terrible for others when choosing gifts due to us more than likely already purchasing what we want ourselves before anyone else can have a chance at getting it for our birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries etc.
This issue has gradually gotten worse and into our relationship. So now both my husband and I are not really able to do surprises (both party and gift form) nor able to get a gift that the other doesn’t already have besides items that the other has to try on, look at, & have a deep though/talk over before purchasing.
We’ve never been the type that really cared for gifts anyway since we were very young and that’s mainly because it’s usually our birthday party and Christmas when you were able to either eat cake or Christmas cookies. (Were foodies) we were more than okay with that being our only gifts along with of course the best part which is time with friends and family. We would of course always be perfectly fine with receiving our loved ones “presence” over “presents”. So this want for just tome with loved ones mainly (along with the occasional home grown meal) has grown into how we are now and are more than fine with no gift giving at all due to all reasons listed before. Again it’s not even about gifts at all. Or about the tree or the lights. Not even about Santa or the snow. Hot chocolate or candy. Not even really about time with loved ones. Jesus is the reason for the season. (This is what I believe but if you aren’t Christian/Religious that’s cool too and you can post on here what you love about this time of year. Not trying to sway anyone or cause drama or anything at all just stating about myself and my opinions along with giving enough background to hopefully get some needed advice about all this) But we are wanting to tell our family (who for some reason always have an issue with this every year) that we would love to be able to spend time with everyone and not have anyone bother with gift giving unless it’s just for the kids and not for us “kids”. How should we word that? Or should we even say it? Just wondering since it always is so stressful during this tie of year regardless on top of worrying about money for the gifts, finding the gifts, purchasing them, wrapping them etc. and a lot of the time (especially for gifts to us from them) it ends up being nothing they will ever use or need nor even like so it’s all not just a waste of money but also time. Not that we don’t appreciate the thoughtfulness but again we don’t want presents we want their presence in our lives. More time. That’s all we want and I’d say that’s all anyone ever wants. Is more time with their loved ones. What do y’all think? Would you agree with me? Or think I’m just a crazy Chatty Cathy? (Which I know I’m that too 🤣) just let me know y’all’s opinion on this and if I should tell them that we no longer want to do any gift giving. Not worried as much about my husband just about friends/family that insist every year to gift exchange even when we try to veto it. As far as my husband the only gift I need is him❤️. & I’m sure he feels the same way. He’s more than enough for me for my entire life. Just wish others in our life would feel the same as in just be content with time together with them.
Oh also a very Merry Christmas to everyone, Happy Holidays, & Happy New Year! 🎉✨❤️

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Latest activity by Sherry, on December 16, 2019 at 11:26 AM

VIP January 2019
Maggie · on December 13, 2019 at 5:20 PM
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I'm not a Christian, but both of our families do have gift giving traditions this time of year. I'm responding because it seems like you and I have very similar feelings about gifts (minus any religious motivation). I have A LOT to say on this topic.

About 12 years ago (my now-husband and I have been together for a long time), we were going through some particularly difficult money times. December was approaching and we discussed all of our options. We decided to tell our families we would like to opt out of all gift exchanges. We explained about the money stressors (those closest to us knew anyway) and said we were happy to sit out the gift giving portion of events but definitely still wanted to attend and spend time with everyone. People mostly complied but we still received a few gifts, that we thanked the givers for and resisted the urge to reciprocate.

After that first year, we reflected back on the holiday season and we realized we had had the best time of our lives. Neither of us are natural gift givers (that is, the choosing and the shopping, and everything else was always stressful), so giving it up was just a huge relief. Just being able to focus on spending time with loved ones without that stress was truly magical. We also really don't like clutter or extra stuff around. So, we decided to tell our families that we were making our opting out permanent. There were some odd looks and a bit of awkward confusion at first, but that sorted itself out. More than a decade later we have ZERO regrets.

A few things we have learned over the years:
1. We LOVE our lives without the expectations of giving or receiving gifts at set times of the year.
2. Years later, we can look back and be relieved at how much STUFF we have prevented from entering our lives. We just moved two states away and this was made so much easier without the weight and baggage of packing, storing, moving all of those gifts we would have received.
3. We felt pretty strongly about not telling anyone else what to do, just to be clear about our intentions. So, we didn't try to control anyone else's gift giving habits; we recognize some people are terribly sad at the thought of not giving gifts, and that's OK. Tradition is a strong motivator for some.
4. It felt awkward at first to receive gifts we didn't reciprocate, but it's OK. We were living our values and being consistent and clear in our messaging. That was enough for us.
5. We have no doubt that some talked about us behind our backs at first (we WERE going against a huge cultural norm after all) and most definitely didn't understand us. But that was OK, too, and I truly think by now, everyone in our lives have just accepted our quirks.
6. We still give and receive gifts, but only at infrequent, random occasions because we happened to see something we thought someone else would like.

Oh, and one final thought: We made sure to announce our opt out well before the holiday season. Many people buy things throughout the year and it's not fair to drop a bomb like this just before. So, for you, I think you are in it this year. But you can sow the seeds for next year starting in January. Good luck! I don't think you'll have any regrets.
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Devoted October 2019
Star · on December 13, 2019 at 9:43 PM
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Thank you so much for your awesome advice and kind words! I appreciate it and am planning on talking to my husband about this and letting our family know that this will be our plans from now on. 😊 because I agree we have quite a bit in common and I also concur with that I don’t think we will ever regret it.
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VIP March 2019
Yoice · on December 13, 2019 at 11:42 PM
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I think is all within the person. I personally love Christmas and everything it brings! The lights, the joy, the family and friends reunion, the music, the food! I love it all and I love presents giving and receiving. I don’t spend a lot but I shop smart. I’m good at getting people what I know they use and want. So for make up or skin care lovers I opt for something close to. I love buying presents for my husband and not necessary means anything overly expensive, is just giving something to him I know it would use.
That being said Christmas can get very expensive very quick! Between family, friends and jobs exchange it makes a difference with each gift. My family doesn’t kids only so that saves us a lot and of course we do our parents, a few close friends kids, and work friends.
That was not always the case tho. When we decided to move in together Christmas was the first thing we cut, we simply explained to everyone that we couldn’t this year and that extend for a few years after that between the house, the engagement and finally the wedding. It was all meaningful years and I have great memories of them all but without a doubt now with the wedding done I love being able to get presents to those I love and having a tree full of presents. PSD: I love wrapping and seeing people’s face when opening presents - clearly I’m a giver! My husband is the same way, he just spoils me and splurges more than me.
Here are some gift ideas I got: For kids: books, learning toys (always ask parents)For new borns: frame for pictures, clothesTeens: anything technology - my brother in law always asks me for my portable charger so I got him a really good one that can charge multiple items at the same time. Sport related items if they’re into it. Ladies: clothes, make up or skin care items, jewelry, lotion, candles, Guys: clothes, shaving items, wallet, watches, sport related items, technology gadgets or accessoriesWork: candles, lotion, agenda, mugs
So I got my husband a gaming monitor for his hobby, AirPods, a wallet, bear apron - all hair falls there when shaving so no mess! And a skin care gadget (I’ll use it too! 🙈) Oh and a set of hot sauces. He loves hot sauces and we always buy sets in different countries we go too and I found this cool one. As you see a lot of daily use simple things make for a great present specially because is given with love and would be use everyday!
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Master September 2019
Sherry · on December 16, 2019 at 11:26 AM
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My husband and I were married on our 8th anniversary so our gifts to each other are usually nothing since we gift each other through out the year, have regular date nights etc so gifts on Christmas just aren't important. We do however have wish lists on Amazon and if we put something on there, the other one will just buy it but again, not specifically for Christmas gifts.
As far as gifting for the families, his family is super small so we get the couples a combined gift and the single ones their own. My family is extremely large so we always do white elephant other than my parents who I get a separate gift for them in addition to whatever white elephant gift they end up with.
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Christmas Gifts🎄(gift Giving-to do or not to do?)

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