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Margaret
Super August 2023

Children at wedding / reception

Margaret, on April 16, 2021 at 6:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 21
My daughter is getting married June 12, 2021. It's already been postponed twice (third times a charm!) due to Covid. I am paying for the event, I'm divorced from her father and he is not helping financially. The wedding and reception are being held at a beautiful aquarium, which guests will be able to tour during cocktail hour. The wedding is at 6:30pm and dinner won't be served until 8pm. Whew! that's the background.



My question is: my daughter called me today and said that some couples have asked her fiance if they can bring their kids. So far...we are talking about 6 kids all 2 or younger...1 is 4 months old. They are the kids of fiances brother, a groomsman, and another guest. We, especially my daughter, is concerned over crying during ceremony and reception. it's a late night and kids get cranky. I'm ok with them there, but I'm NOT ok paying $60 for a kids entree. If we say it's ok to bring kids, is it rude to make a goodie bag with some treats, or other occupier along with a note with map showing where to go if they get fussy? or just say no kids?

21 Comments

Latest activity by Margaret, on April 17, 2021 at 8:54 PM
  • Kk
    Devoted October 2021
    Kk ·
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    If you're not willing to pay for their dinner, just say no kids.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    What kind of caterer charges $60 per child?? If you don't want to pay for kids' meals that's fine. Say no kids. But don't make exceptions for flowerchildren and infants in that case because they are seen as all or none.

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  • Margaret
    Super August 2023
    Margaret ·
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    Most expensive chicken strips ever!
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  • A
    Super December 2020
    Anais ·
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    If your daughter doesn’t want the kids there, say no kids. No exceptions.
    I would just let her make that decision
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    Wait a second… Does your daughter and her fiancé want these kids there? Did you offer to pay for her wedding or were you forced to? Why is your daughter asking for approval if it’s OK to add children to HER guest list?? Why offered to pay for someone’s wedding if you have all of these terms and stipulations? It just seems very uncouth
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    But seriously… Just say no kids
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  • Sheryl
    Beginner November 2022
    Sheryl ·
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    Wow!! Thats so crazy expensive for kid portions. Especially since they are under 2. From everything I read and have experienced you ans your daughter have the right to say no to kids. I have been at weddings where the kids came to the ceremony, but not the reception. I would just stand firm and if it's no kids it's no kids. It's been that way through all your reschedule stick to it.
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  • Sheryl
    Beginner November 2022
    Sheryl ·
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    That's what I was thinking!!
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  • Julie
    Just Said Yes September 2021
    Julie ·
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    No kids, no exceptions!
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  • Katie
    VIP August 2021
    Katie ·
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    Any kids in the wedding are always an exception to the no kid rule.
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  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
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    Many people have adults only wedding and it sounds that that is your daughter's preference, so I would just say no to kids.

    Our celebration is the same day as your daughter's wedding. We legally married last year, and always wanted a no kids, adults only wedding. We are asking all of our guests to be vaccinated (its a small wedding and we know our invitees well) so having no kids makes even more sense because they cannot be vaccinated at this time. The only exceptions are newborns (one of our groomsmen's wives is due 6 weeks before our wedding and we are okay if they bring their baby). Your daughter should anticipate that some guests (particularly the one with the four month old) may choose not to come if they cannot bring the kids.

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  • Kimberly
    Super March 2021
    Kimberly ·
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    This is a decision for your daughter and her FH. If THEY decide to allow the kids then that’s the answer, if THEY decide no kids then that’s the answer.
    Everyone else keeps saying it’s up to your daughter but it isn’t. She isn’t marrying herself. Her FH gets a say too and it needs to be a decision they make together. Especially since it is his family and friends in question.
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  • S
    Expert November 2021
    Sara ·
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    It sounds like your daughter's wedding will be an elegant evening affair. That's not an appropriate place for young kids! Nobody wants to risk kids crying/screaming during their ceremony. Regardless of how much a kid's meal would cost, I'd just say no kids period for the other reasons

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  • Phylicia
    Dedicated November 2020
    Phylicia ·
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    Best answer yet
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  • Liz
    Devoted August 2021
    Liz ·
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    Aquarium sounds like an amazing place for kiddos with plenty to keep them occupied 🤷‍♀️. We're not inviting every child from our guest list parents, however it's more a capacity issue than anything else. The only kids in the wedding party are our own, but we're also inviting all immediate family's children as well as anyone we're inviting that live outside of commutable distances. It's unreasonable to ask anyone to travel over 1,000 miles without their kids. We've also left it open to invite some of our friends kids if we have space based on RSVP's because we know they have complicated child care issues. How much do the couple want these parents there knowing that this could prevent their attendance? How big of an issue would it be for other guests if other children are there but they weren't allowed to bring theirs? What about that guest who may be relegated to parental duties as opposed to being able to enjoy the ceremony and reception because they're out of the room consoling a crying or wriggling child and not able to fully celebrate with the couple? Does your caterer have kids prices for food? Would the kids even need dinner provided (a 4 month old isn't going to eat a "kids plate" regardless as they aren't old enough)? Ultimately it's a decision for the bride and groom.
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  • themost
    Dedicated October 2021
    themost ·
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    My caterer doesn't charge for children under 2; the children's meal is for kids 2-12. You might try asking the caterer is that rate is for children under 2. I have an 15 month old and she wouldn't even be eating of her own plate at an event like this.


    I agree with others... Children that are part of the wedding party are fine. After all, they're usually the ring bearers and flower girls. For us, the only children allowed are family and children of the wedding party. Children of guests are not allowed.
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  • Jaimie
    Just Said Yes August 2022
    Jaimie ·
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    I have a large family and LOTS of kids! I am going to let my guest know that there is a FEE to bring children. That fee will include a meal and child care. I'm not sure if the venue will allow use of a separate room for children but you may want to consider that. ☺ I love my family as well as my in-laws and I would be upset if someone couldn't attend because of child care.
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  • A
    Super September 2020
    Alli ·
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    Our children’s meal was $90/kid so I get it!! I would tell her no children if you’re not wanting to pay for them.
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  • needmorewine
    Expert May 2016
    needmorewine ·
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    What do your daughter and her fiancé want? It sounds like these are children of people who are very important to the groom, including his niece/nephew, so it would be understandable that he would want them to be there.


    You’re certainly within your rights to set limits on what you want to pay for, so it’s fine if you ask the bride and groom to contribute to the costs, however all guests should be provided a full meal, even the children.
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  • D
    Just Said Yes June 2021
    Danielle ·
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    I also agree with Kimberly. Your daughter and her fiance really need to think about what they want. It's their wedding day. I will say, the kids more than likely will not be sitting still all night, and if you do decide to have kids at the wedding, it's definitely okay to give them a goody bag with a few items that could possibly keep them busy.

    My fiance and I decided not to have any kids at our wedding. Right now is a good time, more than any, where people have been pretty understanding. Our wedding is outdoors, and having kids at the venue would have been an additional cost for insurance. This was actually a good excuse. Also, we were already set on 120 max.

    Good luck!

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