Changing Last Name?

I struggle with this too. My last name is super unique, and I love how much my family loves it. But there's something special about changing my last name to my FH, becoming apart of his family whom I also love so much! I'd hyphenate if I could, but it would be a horribly wild last name for our kids

I've had this internal debate as well... By changing my last name I effectively wipe out my family lineage as I'm the last one left with my last name. I also have professional licensure in my maiden name AND my business has my maiden name in it!!! I've always imagined myself taking my fiancé's last name though! I could hyphenate... but then our kids would have to have one big long last name which just feels mean. It's a big mess... But I still think I want to change my name because it means so much to me to take on his name and really join his family in that way.

View Quoted Comment Lol - I understand. My daughter wants to change her last name completely. Which I was surprised about, she’s 13. I’d also talked to someone who said she wish she would have changed hers bc when she’s signing documents it takes time to write both last names. Hmmm, I will definitely take that in consideration because I really do love her a lot and her family.

View Quoted Comment That does make a lot of sense. Plus I don’t want her to think I love her any less by not taking on her last name. My mom hyphenated hers so I thought hmmm why not do the same.

I'm changing mine because the alternative is shorter and easier to spell hahah, I'm fed up of spelling mine out for people and running out of room to write my names on forms!

We are both changing our names to his mum's maiden name.

I decided to change my last name because I had held onto my previous one from my prior marriage. It was still a difficult choice for me to do so since I have a son from my first marriage and at first I wasn't sure how that would make him feel, because I didn't want him to feel hurt or thought of less since we would have different last names. So we took time to discuss our thoughts and feelings about it, in which he understood and actually thought it would be a good idea for me to change it.

View Quoted Comment That’s super sweet! I didn’t think of that. I actually like that idea.

I love my maiden name, so I made that my new middle name and took on my husband’s last name. I really liked my birth middle name, and could have technically had my maiden name as a second middle name, but having 4 names in total was a lot to say and wasn’t my preference. It’s nice, as I’ve been signing documents and going through this name changing process, even on my new license, I’ve been signing First, Middle (Maiden name), Last. It flows nicely, I still feel like me and not like I’m missing a part of me, and it also gives me that excitement of having my mame changed to my husband’s, something special as we enter this new chapter. Once I’m all set with name change things, I’ll probably sign first name & last name, or first name, middle initial and last name. Hey, I have options and can write my pretty maiden name at times too because it’s my middle now. I don’t have children yet (God willing that will happen in the future ☺️), but I think having the same last name would be a benefit in that regard also.

At the moment, neither my partner nor I plan to change or names. A lot of people have been surprised by this; I think people expect queer couples to hyphenate.

Our biggest reason is that we will not have children, so a shared last name isn't relevant. Also, we just don't feel particularly inclined to do so? She really wants to keep hers, and hyphenating would produce a really long name. I'm pretty neutral on my name and I wouldn't mind taking hers, but I do think my family might be offended. Or at least confused and bothered.

I'm doing a combo change. Legally, and in my personal life, I'm going to be changing my last name to his. His is a little easier to pronounce than mine is, and luckily my first name still works with it (It doesn't with a lot of last names). I like the idea of us becoming a singular unit with the same last name that we will also be giving to our children when we have them.

However, professionally, I am not changing my name for a couple of reasons. A) I worked really hard to get where I am and earn the multiple degrees that I did. All of which were done prior to my even meeting my fiancé. B) I work for a huge company and was one of the few people in my group where my email/username is my actual name and makes sense. C) trying to get a new email at work is a hassle and I don't wanna deal! Thankfully, my fiancé is totally cool with whatever choice regarding this I've made, including telling me flat out he's fine if I never change my name - I'm the one who has to live with it.

I am however, waiting a bit before changing it. We're getting married in December, but I am going to wait to change it until Summer of 2023. I don't want to deal with trying to change my name and rushing a new passport before our honeymoon in April of 23, and my license expires in August of 23 so I might as well use that as the catalyst!

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One woman at work just kept her maiden name, at least for emails. I'm sure that was convenient for the company. The email change would have been easy enough but the company tended to accumulate different email addresses for each person.

A quick check showed that you can (probably) use either name you have on a marriage certificate but might have to work it out at the bank if you get paid in your maiden name.

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Individual companies vary based on their own corporate protocol as well as state and local guidelines for these matters. If it's a question of anything, always talk to your HR/payroll department as it may not be an issue whatsoever.

Also unless you file to change your name before your marriage, you sign as your maiden name on a marriage license, usually indicating whether or not you plan on changing your name (if you know at that time), meaning you legally sign into a marriage with your name you had before the day. Marriage licenses are not a true indication of name. Separate paperwork has to be filed with several different government agencies to legally change one's name.

View Quoted Comment That’s really sweet and very supportive of him. ❤️

View Quoted Comment ☺️ I like that! I need to start practicing my signature! It’s funny because I don’t like my middle name but I always make emphasis on the T. Anything I sign is first name middle initial and last name. I guess it’s just going to take some getting used to.

View Quoted Comment I never thought about this perception. I had someone confused as to why I would take hers and not vice versa. My sister & her wife married 3 years ago and her wife didn’t take her last name. I do have a 13 year old but my wife has been in her life since she was 2 and my daughter does want to take on her last name. This is really a toss up for me because I do like my last name. I’m highly considering hyphenating but I wouldn’t entirely mind changing it either.

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Right, I've looked a little into the name change process and recognize the marriage license is one step in this and definitely makes the process flow from there. So, the other details came up. I think the issue is where and in what way we want to use our current name and our married name. The official name change of course makes our new name possible on all legal documents.

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Yeah, obviously I shouldn't base this decision on what other people think, but my brain just kind of defaults to those thoughts. We're also a butch/femme couple, and everyone is somehow convinced that I'm the bride and she's the groom If I took her name, I feel like we'd be playing into gender norms that just don't apply to us.

View Quoted Comment That makes a lot of sense! Didn’t even think about the degrees. I’ll be finishing my Masters this Fall and I’d like for my name to stay the same for my diploma. Is there a specific time limit on when you can change it?

View Quoted Comment Good to know! Thanks Michael, because that is something I definitely did not think about.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much Orianna! I really appreciate all the information.