Bridesmaids causing drama or am i asking too much?

Who is planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party? That person should coordinate with your bridesmaids on their budget for those events and also handle booking everything. Since your sister will not be able to participate in the events they planned, I don't think it's fair for her to have to pay for those events.


As for the bridesmaid who hasn't paid you back for her dress, did all of them agree to pay you for their dresses (and did they all agree to the specific amount that the dress costs)? If so, ask her to let you know a date that she thinks she'll be able to reimburse you by. If finances are an issue for your bridesmaid, I would either try to come up with a plan that works for her, or consider paying for their dresses for them (if it's in your budget).

It's hard to say what's reasonable without more info. If you were up front about what the bridesmaids (besides your sister) all had to cover, then try coming up with a plan for your friend to pay you back for the dress. Would you be able to cover it (or some of it) if she can't?

Who is hosting the shower and bachelorette? Was the wedding party just kind of presented with bills for it vs offering to help host? Were the dresses in budget for everyone?

More info needed in order for us to be able to help.

It helps if you are able to adapt some to the changes.

The bridesmaid maybe was excited at having that role but did not really think about the costs. A friend had to pay for her bridesmaid's dress since her friend was really worse off moneywise. Maybe someone else could cover the $50 the sister would have paid if she was old enough to be included.

If this were a big deal and you didn't want her as a friend nor as a bridesmaid, it is messier to "fire" her. If you can just say this is water off a duck's back, that could be helpful -- just a minor thing in the whole wedding planning.

View Quoted Comment My mom was hosting the shower but sent a message to everyone to help because traditionally bridesmaids help with that. As soon as she asked for help they all said they didn’t have money. It was as an offering to help alleviate. They ended up not helping to clean, set up, make any food, or anything even after they said they would help from the start. I ended up having to help for the shower because the 2 that said they would help bailed and I couldn’t stand watching my mom go through that.
The bachelorette party is at the ones apartment (who bailed) The other one (also bailed) is demanding $50 towards something at the bachelorette party I don’t know what or why. When she hasn’t paid for her dress at all. It was understood all they would be paying all in all is $100 towards the dress, $50 towards the shower. Since they decided to throw the bachelorette I was told they were splitting it amongst each other even though half of the bridal party couldn’t be included. 2 out of 4 made plans then expected everyone to pay even though they couldn’t be included.
They all said whatever you need when they agreed to be in my wedding. As soon as I ask for any help no one can help and that’s it and final when they respond there has been no compromising or anything.

View Quoted Comment I was very upfront when we talked about it months ago. I didn’t write anything down for them which is my fault. I tried coming up with a payment plan in October and she still hasn’t bothered to pay a cent. It’s only as soon as I ask help for anything planning, decorating, (money aside) they say they can’t help and don’t offer any alternative. The dress was $100, then for the shower it would have been $50 for them to contribute to help my mom plan stuff and none of them paid her back

Sorry, but both you and your mother are out of line. You have no right to ask anyone for payment for anything. The dress is their responsibility to order and pay for, in consultation with you for budget and style. Hosting, or contributing to a shower is not an entitlement on your mom's part, or an obligation on theirs, rather that's something that can be hosted by anyone who offers. Showers may be a fun tradition but hosting is optional and participation is voluntary.

Your mother really had no right to solicit payment or help from anyone who didn't offer to help once she took on the hosting and planning role. Just because they originally indicated they could help, doesn't mean you can pressure them into it. It's the host's responsibility to pay for and plan a party. Obviously finances are tight for this group and the expectations became more than they could handle. Unfortunately, etiquette is against you on this one.

It sounds like everyone's first wedding. These parties are optional and not due a bride. Mom should not have hosted and demanded payment from others out of "tradition". The others shouldn't have offered to help when they don't want to, not offered $ they clearly don't have. It's best to choose a bridesmaids dress people can afford and have agreed upon to start. Just cancel the bachelorette and payment plans and not ask anyone for extra time and money. The wedding is the big day, the main day, for which they agreed to support you. If you can, pay for the ordered bridesmaid's dress since she's your friend.

Reading again, I see that your friends originally offered to help out until they were hit up for money they had never agreed or offered to spend. If I had to guess those two things are related. Again, you never should have put yourself in the position to be collecting money for the dresses or anything else.

View Quoted Comment

Ok, so the original assumption made by your mom that it's the duty of bridesmaids to help was incorrect. They may have felt that being asked for money was out of line, and then bailed on the shower because of that. I would encourage everyone to stop asking for money, and you as well.

They don't have to help with things. All they need to do is get the dress and show up on the day for walking in the ceremony and photos.

I'm not sure why you paid for one of the dresses, but you may need to accept that you won't be paid back for it.

If you can, tell everyone you are rewinding the whole situations. Say you are sorry this has not been progressing well ... that all you want is that they be at your side for the wedding ... even if wearing blue jeans ... but please not blue jeans. Some of this depends whether the bachelorette party can be revised without losing too much money.