Bridesmaid Situation

You picked this person because you were close to them and had a reason to. I understand the hurt feelings in not being invited to her wedding. I think if you are reevaluating the friendship and want to not invite her to your wedding/disinvite her as a bridesmaid, you’ll need to be okay with not having a friendship anymore and possibly causing issues with the other friends as well. Have you asked her why you weren’t invited after she said you were going to be? It’s odd and a bit rude on her part to say you were invited and then not invite you!

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I have not asked her why, the last time we talked was when she was telling me she can't come to my bachelorette the week before. I also had gotten engaged and asked them to be bridesmaids in 2018 so we have drifted apart a little. I can't think of a way to ask about being invited without coming across as rude, but I'm not sure how to bring it up.

I don’t think it’s fair to make it a tit for tat thing. You chose her because you were close (regardless of when you chose her). H had one of his cousins stand up in our wedding. He and his wife didn’t invite us to theirs because they both have a lot of cousins and couldn’t afford to invite all so they invited none. We weren’t offended. Everyone has the choice to invite who they want to their own wedding.

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I understand, but it was more of the fact that we had talked about it before and she straight up said that the other bridesmaid and I would definitely be invited no matter what.

Ah that is kind of a sticky situation because she did tell you that you were gonna be invited so it was something you expected. it's kind of an awkward situation though to ask for an invitation so i would just leave it and see if she brings it up. if she doesn't then it is what it is. but i can see what you mean here because you expected to be invited

Was the other bridesmaid that got invited always closer to this bridesmaid that just got married? If so it sucks that you weren't invited, but if they were cutting down on the numbers it makes sense that you weren't.

But if you were closer or if both of you were just as close to her, then I can get why you would be upset and starting to reconsider the friendship

I wouldn't do anything about disinviting her or kicking her out of the bridal party until you know why exactly she was invited and you weren't. I wouldn't make this a tit for tat thing.

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No, we were both just as close to each other. It's also not a cutting down numbers thing because she said this while covid was happening so she knew the situation, and now there are no restrictions on capacity in our state so it wouldn't be cutting down for that.

Ouch. I'm really sorry that happened to you. I suppose it depends on her reasoning. If she and her husband wanted a small wedding for safety purposes, or they were eloping, I could understand, but then why invite the other bridesmaid but not you? One more person wouldn't make that much difference. As others have said, you chose her because she was someone important to you. If she is in fact just as important, then once some time has passed, I would ask her as calmly and nicely as possible why you weren't invited. Maybe after that conversation, then you can make a decision about whether or not to keep her in your own wedding. Judging by what I've read in other comments, it sounds as though the two of you might have been drifting apart over some time now, and she doesn't even sound as though she's been that active in planning your wedding. I would start by texting her if you can just talk some time, and then jump into the tough stuff. Regardless of what happens in the end, you'll feel better for doing it. Good luck.