Brides with panic attacks? Fear of panic attack and fainting during ceremony

What about music? Would that help? You could have insturmental songs playing softly throughout the entire ceremony. I think it would add to the atmosphere of the ceremony and create more sound for you.

I don't have panic attacks like that, so I can't say from expereince.

I don't panic, per se, but I am very prone to stage fright. Here are the things that worked for me:

When planning the wedding, we kept things small and were very strict about plus ones - I knew walking into a room with lots of randoms would stress me out.

I woke up on the day of the wedding and decided to not worry or stress. Everything that could be done, was done, and now all I had to do was enjoy the day. (I didn't even freak when my dress didn't fit!)

Before walking down the aisle, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that everyone in that room cared about and supported me.

As I walked down the aisle, I caught the eye of a few people who knew about my discomfort, and they smiled back. Worked wonders.

During the ceremony, I was so focused on DH I almost forgot there were people there!

Also, during the ceremony, don't lock your knees. Keep your posture relaxed. I don't know why, but locking your knees can make you super woozy.

Finally, a glass of champagne about an hour before the ceremony helped with the jitters. Any more than that would have been a mess, but one glass? Perfect.

Omg I feel your pain! I get terrible stage fright and can totally break down! I am petrified of being up there. I recently was diagnosed with Vertigo and have been taking a daily prescription for dizziness, so I'm hoping my doctor will give me a refill of that or something similar before the wedding to help me.

I would suggest going to your doctor and asking what they recommend.

I knew about the locking of the knees. I am not even stressed out over the planning part. (We just started.) I am NEWLY engaged and we knew we wanted to get married in 6 months and I have 5 of my friends (almost all BMs who planned their wedding in 6 or less so here we go. I have caught myself getting depressed bc I am starting to dread the day MERELY for the standing in the ceremony on stage/stage fright - what have you. Everything else is a piece of cake. I would say I have social anxiety bc I love to be the center of attention IF its just not a quiet crowd.. Doesn't make sense but that's what I am working with. if I knew with 110% that I would know have an attack on stage I would have this wedding in 2 months.

This is a bit unconventional, but for legal reasons (our officiant couldn't marry us), we went to a JOP two days before the wedding. Just us, my mom and sister, and an officiant in the basement of Jerry's Subs and Pizza who did magic tricks throughout the ceremony.

Getting the legal part done first made me more relaxed, and didn't take anything away from the ceremony itself - the first one was for just us, the second was our way of asking friends and family to support our marriage.

Stage fright is not even remotely close to a panic attack. Stage fright is like having an allergy attack where you get itchy for a little while, while a panic attack is like having an allergy attack where you go into anaphylactic shock.

Also, "deciding" to not get stressed never works if you're prone to panic attacks, and I know in my case just makes things worse because not only am I having a meltdown, but I also failed horribly at something.

The thing that works best for me when I feel an anxiety attack coming on is finding something to focus on to keep myself semi-distracted. It works fairly well until I can get myself to a safe space. I'm pretty worried about having one at my wedding, both because I have terrible social anxiety and hate being the center of attention, but we're also having a ceremony I don't want.

Lady V - Yes the panic attacks have a mind of their own - hence me completely freezing and could not walk through the doors at my friends' wedding. So scared its going to happen at my own. I cant really do anything to distract myself when im up there and supposed to be quiet and stand still. A little more relief is that one of our friends is marrying us which makes it a little nicer. (selfishly for me)

Lady V, while your advice is helpful, I think it's worthwhile to point out that the OP is essentially asking for medical advice from a bunch of laywomen.

So we can't actually know how a panic attack works, and can only give the OP the benefit of our own experience. I can suggest deciding to stay calm, but only the OP will know if that can work. The more I think about this, the more I think the best course of action is to consult a doctor.

I'd say, if you know what your triggers are, try and plan things to avoid (or compensate) for them as much as possible. Having the wedding outdoors to avoid the quiet crowd issue is a great idea, as is having a friend marry you (they know you after all)! If you need to cling to your FH's hands to keep yourself centered, or put a floral arrangement within sight so you have something to stare at and use to focus yourself, then do that. Hell, if you need to close your eyes entirely to block out the crowd, do it.

This is one of the few times that I ever say this, but it is YOUR wedding. Your mental health is incredibly important, so whatever you can do to make things easier for you for this, do it, AND DON'T FEEL SELFISH. And definitely have your FH involved, as he'll be a huge source of support for everything.

Shannon - I do actually get panic attacks on a somewhat regular basis, so while I won't say I know exactly what the OP is going through (everyone has their own triggers), I do have a good idea of what generally does and doesn't work.

Oh he is involved. Keeps reassuring me all will be fine of course. I have had a friend or two say they were "nervous" to walk down the aisle but then they were fine up there.. however these people don't have full blown panic attacks, and while I haven't had a severe one in a while - the fact the the last severe one I had was in a wedding leaves me a little scared. Thank you ALL for your input - I truly appreciate all of it.

Lady V, that's great - not that you get panic attacks, of course, but that you understand them. I only get them due to claustrophobia (so the last one I had was during an MRI, I was a screaming and hyperventilating mess).

Realistically, it's probably best for the OP to consult a doctor or behavioral therapist in this situation.

Have you heard of the "butt squeeze"? After you take a few steps, pause for a second and squeeze the muscles in your rear. It keeps your blood flowing (the same with not locking your knees). They say butt squeezing takes enough thinking to do that it will "disrupt" your train of thought long enough to help you calm down. You can do tow-taps inside your shoes too. We had a speech function in college and a lady from the university had a chat with us about "butt squeezing" because we had a few people (two were guys) who had a fear of panicking on stage.

Have you considered doing a small, private ceremony with just a few of your closest family, and then immediately afterwards going to a reception where everyone's invited? That sounds like a good alternative- you can still show off your dress and have a big party, but without the scary ceremony part. That's what I'm doing, because I hate having everyone look at me- I get nervous and giggle uncontrollably, or else I look mad because I'm trying so hard not to feel self-conscious.

Some people who suffer from anxiety for a while can sometimes decide they are going to not stress and while it might not completely take away the anxiety attack it makes it less severe so it might not be an entirely bad idea.

TheMrsS. maybe start practicing relaxation techniques now and that might help you during the ceremony (it is hard to say because everyone is different with the attacks). In addition to suffering from them I just did a whole paper and presentation on them for one of my classes. Yoga is supposed to help as well as relaxation techniques.

My friend who also suffers from anxiety ended up taking one of her anti-anxiety pills before her wedding (actually took it while getting ready because she was getting anxious and it mellowed her out so much she couldn't do her own hair which we both thought was funny) so going to your dr and doing that might be a possibility.

My friends ceremony and reception ended up being fine and she was fine. I remember having the veil over her face made her a little anxious and I don't remember if she walked down the aisle with it covering her face or not but she did great for her wedding.

Future Mrs H - thanks for your input. I am going to the doctor in a couple of weeks and I think the the anti-anxiety meds is going to need to be done. while I don't want to be on Xanax during my ceremony - I more strongly don't want to make a fool out of myself. Thank you very much! That did make me feel better to know that she did great for her wedding.

TheMrs I would honestly start working on the relaxation techniques also because you won't know if the medication will work unless you actually have a panic attack before the wedding to see if it helps (which I hope you don't) although I guess you wouldn't know if the relaxation works either until you have one. Oh and breathing techniques I forgot out the breathing.

I know Xanax is the most known one but they have others too. And I think (not positive) they might try antidepressants before the sedatives since antidepressants might help and don't have the same potential to be addictive. But they also have ativan (which my friend was on) and they tried a low dose of seroquel for me (which didn't work but I think that is because I was on a higher dose for insomnia). and I don't remember the other ones.

Yes I am going to try it all - I know its still no guarantee for the end result. Trying not to focus on it although it is so hard. Lots of his family friends which I don't know, his parents friends etc etc. Just more so look like a fool and it scares me. My BMs are my best friends tho so I am hoping that and my FH will be my saving grace.

I have diagnosed panic disorder, and I have almost my entire life. I would see if you can speak with a specialist in panic disorder in order to get your PA's under control.

Further, it's not possible to faint from a panic attack, so there's no need to worry about that. Often people with panic attacks worry that they're going to faint, die, have a seizure, etc., so the "flight or fight" response kicks in, which makes panic attacks worse. The key in "curing" yourself from panic attacks is to understand why they happen in the first place, and then to take a step back from them and realize that even though it's scary, it's JUST a panic attack (which is ONLY an adrenaline rush from your body, although it might feel otherwise!) and will be over soon (average one lasts only 5 mins!)

I got a book that was SUPER helpful, along with a specialist, in diagnosing/helping me with panic attacks. You can find it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Panic-Attacks-Workbook-Program-Beating/dp/1569754152 . It's a work book and would be helpful for FH to read as well.

Good luck!

Oh thank you so much! I used to have very bad ones where I would have them in a car and think I was dying etc. Was on Lexapro for a while and then weaned off and everything was well. Then had a set back which was just a panic attack right before the doors opened at my friends wedding and then the first thing I felt due to my legs feeling like jelly and my head was the same feeling I was fainting.. That was my last big panic attack. Haven't had truly a big one since - even thinking about this stuff just makes me super anxious and I will cry but not a full blown attack. Thank you for the reference as well I will look at amazon for sure! So you are comfortable going into your wedding then, yes? What triggers yours for the most part, or is it anything? Mine is usually just quiet serious crowds.. then you take those crowds looking and staring at you.. EEK!!