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Alicia
Savvy June 2025

Bridemaidzilla? What’s your opinion?

Alicia, on April 22, 2024 at 11:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 64
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Hello Everyone,
Please share your input and what would you do.
I’m pretty irritated and ready to fully call off all bridesmaids and replace them with a bridesman (one of my very good guy friends).Our wedding is set on June 11 2025.I have this one bridesmaid who complained about hair and makeup costs which was priced at $108/hair, $108/makeup and $30/lashes with gratuity covered under this fee. So after she complained I offered and agreed to pay for the hair of all bridal party members, but require them to pay for their own dress priced between $75-150. I’m asking each bridesmaid to pick their own dress in forest green but it must be more conservative (AKA NO DEEP V CUT NECKS OR BOOBS FALLING OUT)…So after offering that this one bridesmaid in particular made a statement/question of “Is it okay with you if I thrift shop my dress if i can find it in a similar shade? (forest green was selected)”
Do you think this is ridiculous of her to ask or am i asking too much? I’m only asking the bridal party to cover $200-$250 in fees with the inclusion of shoes with their dresses.
I’m not receiving an engagement party or bachelorette party etc that i’m not paying for in full….so i really don’t know if this is something i should just kick her out of…i don’t feel like i should have to tell her this is ridiculous you need to stop dictating, as i hate confrontation. Another thing she made a statement today when i made bridesmaid hair request from each member she wants a dramatic and exquisite intricate hairdo with lots of braids etc….I wanted a viking style and wanted my bridesmaid to keep theirs simple and classy with a tucked low bun or braided low bun nearly done…she commented ew too Amish…and proceeded to send me very intricate bridal style hair….What do you all think? should i just ditch her fully from the wedding party? any alternative solutions…this girls whole family will be there, i even included her grandma in the bridal party as my matron of honor ( which she also tried taking the title of and named herself!)WTH DO I DO 🤭

64 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, yesterday at 2:28 AM
  • C
    CM ·
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    I’m sorry but you are the one out of line here. First, while you can offer to provide or pay for hair and makeup services you can’t require them. Your bridesmaid was completely in the right to push back. Second, it was all well and good that you asked her to find something in forest green but since you didn’t name a source, she was free to get a dress from anywhere, and didn’t even have to inform you that she was looking into the resale market. Many of these look brand new.

    Lastly hair and makeup styles your friends choose are not up to you either, even if you’re offering to pay. They are people, not props, dress up dolls or a chorus line. Your discretion ends with the dress.


    All of this is ten times worse considering you have just stated you will be lying to everyone and will actually be married for a year by the time of this event. That just adds insult to injury and is both inconsiderate and unacceptable.

  • Alicia
    Savvy June 2025
    Alicia ·
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    We are not lying to anyone. My bridal party and family are aware just not other invites as it’s reaaaally not their business considering we’re a military family. So since you decided to attack my response from another post which is odd…and then attack me you sound very aggressive and unkind. second I did make a source it just wasn’t listed in this post and i did not think it relevant to say her grandmother is paying for the dress and said to pick as we are using birdy grey (since online shopping is apparently the new and wedding shops simply don’t carry them anymore in a lot of places). I really hope you don’t approach everyone’s post this way…


  • Alicia
    Savvy June 2025
    Alicia ·
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    Let me please also add we live halfway across the country and set a shopping day entirely dedicated to my bridesmaid's as i already bought my dresses in another state before we PCS.
  • Alicia
    Savvy June 2025
    Alicia ·
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    I’m also very confused where you said i required hair and makeup?🤨
  • C
    CM ·
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    You said your bridesmaid was objecting to the hair and makeup costs. It sounded like she was objecting to something you were asking her to do. As for the dress, was she consulted on budget? If so, and you requested a specific source then that's fine, but there was also nothing wrong with her asking if it would be OK to buy resale.

    I don't see how being a military family makes it OK to lie to all your other guests. That's really not OK. As soon as you invite people, it's no longer just about you. They deserve the right to know what they are attending and to plan and make decisions accordingly. Call it a celebration of marriage and you're fine.

  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I don't think your bridesmaid is in the wrong. You gave them a color and asked them to find a dress in that color. The location they find the dress doesn't matter. Many people donate their old bridesmaids dresses (usually only worn once) - she can probably find a beautiful dress in the requested color on Poshmark or at Goodwill or other thrift shop for way cheaper than buying new online, and no one would ever be able to tell the difference.

    I also understand her pushback on hair styles. It sounds like you had a vision for how your bridesmaids will look, but not everyone is comfortable with the same hair styles or the same dress styles. Even if she chooses a super fancy hair style, she won't outshine the bride. Why wouldn't you want your closest friends to feel confident and beautiful on your wedding day? How - and if - your bridesmaids want their hair and makeup done is really up to them, not up to you.


    For the costs, $200 is reasonable to some, and very expensive to others. Did you check with everyone who is interested in getting their hair and makeup professionally done on what their budgets are before booking those vendors? It sounds like that may be outside the range that she's comfortable with.


    She shouldn't have assigned herself the MOH title if you didn't give that to her, so it might help to kindly clarify that with her. Overall, being in someone's wedding party is supposed to be an honor, not a job. As the bride, it's totally fine to make some requests (dress color, shoes, etc), but other details (hair/makeup, dress style, participation in pre-wedding events, etc) is their choice.

  • C
    CM ·
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    As for seeing what you posted, it was the most recent comment in the forums and you literally said you are lying to everyone. That tends to be the kind of thing that gets a response around here.
  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael ·
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    No. She does not sound like a bridemaidzilla. That is what the title shows as your interest.

    She sounds like she is negotiating some with you so she does not have to spend money where she can avoid it. Nor does her surprise or initial concern at the cost of hair and makeup seem a big issue, especially when she thought she might have to pay for it -- but even if paid on her behalf, the numbers are generally higher than a person might expect. And the hairstyle should be left to the bridesmaids who sometimes might be fine with following the bride's preferences.

    For her dress, you can consider going with some shades of green instead of a single one. If the shade is acceptable, the problem is solved. Another option is to find a few online options for her to consider when shopping for her dress.

  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    1. The only thing your BM should pay for is her dress, and that's within her budget. She's offering to find a dress within her budget in the colour of her choice.

    2. If you want professional hair, makeup and nails it's up to you to pay for it.

    3. It would be very controlling for you to dictate actual hairstyles. Everyone has ideas of how they best look, and I'm not sure why you would presume to know better than them.

    4. Your wedding party doesn't owe you a shower or a bachelorette.

    5. Kicking someone out of your wedding party will likely end the friendship and possibly make you look like a bridezilla to her family who will also be in attendance.

  • C
    CM ·
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    "Do you think this is ridiculous of her to ask or am i asking too much? I’m only asking the bridal party to cover $200-$250 in fees with the inclusion of shoes with their dresses."

    As for this part, that depends. It would be fine for some people, too much for others. As mentioned, you were supposed to consult for cost. I'm not sure what your input was with shoes. It is too much to dictate the exact shoe if that's the case. As much or more so than bodies and dresses, not every foot is comfortable in every shoe. At most you can suggest a common shade, something that goes with the dress and that people might already own or be able to wear again.

  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    Bridesmaids did nothing wrong. Be honest with everyone involved. You would be surprised how many people actually care about honesty and don’t take a vow renewal or reception only as seriously as if they were invited to the actual legal ceremony and reception held on the same day. We’ve attended a couple of these (one was a military couple and the others were not but wanted multiple events) and they don’t go over well when guests find out that you were not honest.


    Assuming that the 2025 date is your legal wedding, there is no reason to ask anyone to be a bridesmaid this early. There is nothing they need to do before 6 months before the wedding and the only responsibility they have is to buy a dress and show up to support you at the rehearsal and legal wedding day. At the reception, their responsibilities are to have fun. When you ask the wrong people too early, you have to accept that the friendship/relationship will end if you ask them to step down.
    Before anyone is asked (without social media proposal boxes which pressure them to say yes without consideration if they can or want to be a bridesmaid), all expectations and expenses on their part need to be made explicitly clear and they are given time to decide if they can or want to be a bridesmaid. Do not ask them first and then spring on expenses and expectations as you go or expect them to read your mind.
    For some, $200 is a lot and others don’t mind paying it because it’s a drop in the bucket. If you are requiring specific looks, including dress, hair/makeup, shoes and other accessories, you need to cover all costs. They are not in the wrong by pushing back and having boundaries.
  • Traci
    Expert May 2025
    Traci ·
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    This is a sensitive topic. And some people on here definitely comes across aggressive. But. I FEEL that she agreed. If she didn't like the prices of things hair makeup dress then she could have passed on being in the wedding party. Do what makes you happy whatever is less stressful. I had to do it. And we still best friends she still coming to the wedding, just as a guest. There are no hard feelings we both agreed to it. Ultimately it's your day. Good luck. And I was called bridezilla too. Lol. Don't let these comments get to you it your wedding. Hope all works out.
  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    Do you suspect your friend is not taking your dress-up demands seriously because you'll already be married, and she's upset she's not a witness? Or are your bridesmaids invited to the legal ceremony and they're reprising your role for public display by the second date?

  • Maura
    Just Said Yes August 2024
    Maura ·
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    It's your wedding not theirs. I told my Bridesmaids this is the dress, this are the shoes, this ia the hair style and make up. If you want to be a Bridesmaid this is what your wearing, if not your out. Simple as that!!!!
    It's Your Wedding And What You Say Goes!
  • L
    Just Said Yes July 2025
    Lauren ·
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    Girl…forget anyone whose saying your in the wrong…I totally get wanting a particular look for your wedding it's your wedding plus you're paying for everything that has to do with the wedding.. including make up and hair, which is to me going above and beyond if they don't want to accept the terms of the wedding, that's on them swap them out!
  • C
    CM ·
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    ^^ That’s not the way a considerate bride is supposed to behave so chances are you’re the one(s) who will ultimately be burning bridges. I know people who were in wedding parties where the bride demanded similar things. Because they committed, they sucked it up but after that they stepped back from the friendship. Why risk a bad reputation for the sake of an inappropriate obsession to control every aspect of your party’s appearance?

    In your place I’d reconsider. Other than the dress you’re both (?) overstepping. You never know how that may come back to bite you.
  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    Are you for real? Or is this a troll post... You are out of line in so many ways I can't even begin

  • Alicia
    Savvy June 2025
    Alicia ·
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    She actually suggested after we discussed fees with her and her grandmother, her dad officiating the wedding to save money. She knows being a witness is not an option sadly since we live in kansas and all our family and friends are in Florida. We are only marrying quickly based on orders in the event we end up out of the country.
  • Alicia
    Savvy June 2025
    Alicia ·
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    She completely agreed to start and has her grandmother who is my matron of honor because she’s just so sweet, paying for it…her grandmother directly agreed to the fees but she’s just stirring the pot because it’s something else her grandmother could buy her in place of my wedding day…she’s the spoiled type (family pays her way) i love her but that’s just the truth.
  • Alicia
    Savvy June 2025
    Alicia ·
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    I can tell which of you are not married or are negating how it works…everyone has to submit a license prior to a wedding event REGARDLESS, for those attacking me based on this detail…you do understand you have 6 months from the date of filing a license to marry so is doing it 6 months prior is the norm. we just aren’t waiting last minute and are way across the country (nobody is going to fly for a courthouse license VS. a big event day costing us $60000, where they get to eat drink and party for 3 days with us)
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