Bridal shower, who pays?

I don't think anyone should be responsible in paying for an event unless they want to and have some involvement in it. If she is not going to be there and is not included in planning it in any way, I feel like it's rude to ask her to contribute financially to something she is in no way a part of.

Absolutely no. Whoever is willing to chip on helps pay. It is very inappropriate to ask someone who can't even attend to pay. A bridesmaid is not an ATM

View Quoted Comment This is what I was thinking, but since I’m not involved in the planning I never even thought about it before.

The person/persons who are hosting pay. If no one other than the MOH offers to host, then they host what they can afford. Anyone can host/cohost a shower (I am not sure when everyone started to think it was a duty of the bridal party). Those who cannot attend pre-wedding events should never be expected to help foot a bill. And to ask for money from someone who won't even be able to attend and get upset about it is inappropriate.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely agree with this. She has no part in the shower so she should have no part in financially contributing.

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I agree with this, if she voluntarily wanted to contribute something that's nice of her but she isn't required to contribute anything at all.

The bridesmaids are NOT responsible for paying for the shower. The HOST is, and that can be anyone. The MOH can decide to host the shower, and then she is solely responsible for it. The bridesmaids can together decide to host it, and then they would all be responsible for a piece, but that would be something they would have had to establish/plan from the start. Someone else altogether can host too— my mom and aunt hosted my shower, though my bridesmaids helped with decor /games/set up, they had no part in the funding.

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I agree with this and everyone else that has commented.

She's not able to attend or is helping plan in any way so it's not appropriate nor necessary to ask her to contribute financially.

The only person responsible for that are the ones that are hosting and actively involved in planning.

It’s so inappropriate for her to even come to you with this! No, BM should not be required to pay and your sister should not be coming to you with these types of complaints.

Completely agree with the PPs. It would be extremely inappropriate to have this bridesmaid contribute to a shower that she is neither involved in planning or will be attending. The only people who should be paying are the hosts.

Chipping in for optional parties is always optional for everyone. Only the host (s) are responsible for the costs, and that is considered a gift from then to you.

Your sister needed to ask this bridesmaid if she would be willing to help host from the earliest planning stages, and then set the budget based on the number of hosts and how much each was willing to contribute. It is extremely unfair for an MOH to decide unilaterally that the shower will be hosted by all bridesmaids and then get miffed if one of them can't attend (especially since it sounds this bridesmaid is not local). And it's definitely not appropriate for her to have gotten you involved due to her failure to plan this out ahead of time.

View Quoted Comment She didn’t get miffed so much as she was confused and possibly overwhelmed and just wasn’t sure what the etiquette was. I don’t know either, I know myself I’d think she shouldn’t be asked. But, I have never been in a wedding nor has anyone in my bridal party, so we are just going off google at this point.