Bridal shower date

Your maid of honor should reach out to the others to plan the shower. You shouldn't have much input with it. They should decide if the date works for them or the majority of them (and you.) You are the guest of honor. The MOH should book the venue.

View Quoted Comment She’s never done this before and neither of us are sure how this works. So I was fine with doing most of it. But whoever does it they should reach out to the bridesmaids and see what days work for them around when you’re planning to do it?

You don’t plan your own shower. You provide dates that work for you. And honestly, it would never occur to me to start planning a shower now for a June wedding! Your MOH should reach out to the other bridesmaids if she wants to start planning now, because it’s probably not on their radar yet.

The first thing to understand and appreciate is that a shower is not only optional, being involved in the expense or planning is voluntary and contrary to what some believe, not an obligation of the BM role. It is inappropriate of you to solicit involvement or plan your own shower.


Traditionally, any friend or friends of the bride or her family can host. More flexible etiquette sources also allow relatives. But if no one approaches you or the other organizers with an offer you say nothing. Their involvement is not an entitlement on your part. You wait to be honored, you don’t assume.
Sometimes there are several showers thrown by different groups which is fine as long as guests with the possible exception of immediate family and bridal party don’t overlap. Sometimes no one offers and it doesn’t happen. And sometimes there are only one or two hosts, and no more.

An additional point to highlight is that bridesmaids should not feel obligated to pay for a venue for the bridal shower. If someone hosting the party gets a venue for it, that should be their treat.

If your MOH wants to plan a shower but needs help, send her to weddingwire to get the tips. Normally she can plan it as any other midday party and add as much theme to it as she wants (or as others help).

View Quoted Comment I’ve just been looking at decor and getting stuff as I go like I am the wedding so I don’t have to spend all of the money for the shower at the last minute and the same time. I’m talking about booking the place to have it at before dates fill up (it’s the American legion near me) so they don’t just have bridal/baby showers and such. And I told my MOH from the beginning she could help with as much or as little as she wanted because she was also going through other things at the same time. I would never expect her to plan the whole shower. People can RSVP to her but I was just wondering if you are supposed to reach out to our bridal party and ask if X list of dates work or if there’s any that don’t.

View Quoted Comment Noooo, I never said I expected any of my bm’s to pay for my venue and there’s obligation. I’m just saying since they’re in the bridal party should I ask them if xyz dates work for them in case they want to come? I wasn’t sure how that worked. I didn’t want to feel weird asking them or them feel like I’m asking them to spent money for my shower, but I also don’t want to not ask and them be upset I didn’t ask to make sure that worked for them. Never done this before so idk what to do.

Your intentions might be good, but you can’t plan your own shower. It’s rude. Gift-giving occasions like a shower have to be given to you, not given by you, or it’s just a tacky gift grab. Let your bridesmaids or other friends throw your shower without insisting on specific details. There’s really no other way to do it without looking greedy.

View Quoted Comment

By the way, that was about a wedding shower venue. Some of the tips were more general than what you addressed. Your friend or others could set up a discussion area or phone text group to say are available on the date your MOH or other person sets up -- but still can do invites for additional people that are eventually planned as wedding guests.

As someone just shared, the bride should be hands-off except to say that the planned date seems good. The MOH can solicit help from the bridesmaids too. No one should be doing more than they are able and willing to do. If it is too much for the MOH, maybe another person will want to arrange a shower. They just need to be in chat group and share their ideas.

View Quoted Comment Yeah, I totally see what your saying and that isn’t my intention to be greedy! My MOH is helping but it should be strictly planned by her without me being involved and I won’t do that to her. So I’m not going to have one.

View Quoted Comment Maybe the bridesmaids or someone else will step up later on. You’re still a long way from your date! Just see what happens. ❤️

Don’t assume. A shower wouldn’t be on the radar yet for many BM’s. It’s traditionally just meant to be a low key and intimate gathering of close, local friends or family, not something requiring many months to plan. And again, they are optional. It’s self serving to plan your own. Even you approaching BMs with a proposed date can come across as a not too subtle suggestion that they are expected to be involved.


I disagree that the MOH or organizing person can properly solicit the others to contribute or co-host. She can, of course, run the date by your closest friends, to see if it works for people to attend, but again, that’s her job, not yours. Anyone offering to host should be planning something within their own budget or means, though. Most showers I attend are in someone’s home, not the huge over the top venue events that have become trendy in some circles. People know what showers are and that they can offer to help, or co-host.

When I was a bridesmaid, the bride didn’t ask what date worked for me. It’s your day, they have to work around it.

View Quoted Comment I think you’re confusing the shower and the wedding. Though the wedding may be the bride’s (AND groom’s!) day, but you still check with the people most important to you on dates if you actually want them to be there. People have lives outside one person’s wedding.

View Quoted Comment My friends all work weekends, so therefore I shouldn’t throw a bridal shower because of them? Request the days I need you there for, if you can make it, great. If not, that’s fine too.

View Quoted Comment No, you don’t throw your bridal shower, but that’s because the bride doesn’t throw her own shower. Someone else throws it to honor you. Throwing it yourself is rude and greedy.


But in general, if you don’t care if your friends can come, then pick whatever date for something you want. If you do care, you check what dates they’re available. What you can’t do is not check with them AND get mad when they don’t come because of a conflict.

View Quoted Comment

It feels weird because you're not supposed to plan your own shower, only the wedding. The bridesmaids may feel guilty to commit more money or more time than comfortable because the asker is you, the Bride. Meanwhile they may more graciously bow out when asked by another bridesmaid. But, really it is very soon as many showers happen a few months before the wedding, if at all. Let the host ask if other bridesmaids want to co-host/ fund, then they can discuss themselves on their own timetable. You'll just have to wait to be the guest of honor.

My whole bridal party is planning mine and I'm providing input. You absolutely can be involved but don't plan it. I'm helping set up and ordering Hors D'oeuvres for mine. If your bridesmaids aren't really involved- you and your MOH can share ideas, and provide your vision- if she brought it up. You obviously just don't ask for one.


There really should be discussion of if you want one or not (if that's in question from your recent reply above). I know brides who dont have them per request.
Expenses of weddings and expecting others to pay everything is a lot on one person, especially if your MOH has things going on per your comment above. If so, it's not out of the ordinary to help anyway you can to make it your perfect day, too. I agree with the comments above being low key. It's not something that takes months to plan. Just something with small groups of friends and family. If your wedding is in June it's definetly not on anyone's radar.
Have your MOH ask the main people their available dates in April or May if your wedding is in June. If people don't provide dates- just have her plan a date and either people will be there or not.

View Quoted Comment

You can certainly be involved you just do not initiate it. Usually the MOH and MOB do.

View Quoted Comment

Actually, the etiquette is as guest of honor it's not appropriate to be involved in the planning or the organizing in any way because it implies you are after gifts. It's OK to give available dates and times as well as contact information for prospective guests, of course. In reality, sometimes the bride (or their mothers or grandmothers for those who want to keep up traditional appearances that family is not participating) do things behind the scenes when it's supposedly a friend, the bridal party or MOH hosting the whole thing. I know people who've done that. But you're really not supposed to.