Best man no more

I should also add that my fiance is devastated that he no longer has a bm to stand with him, get ready, give the speech, etc. what should we do? (Other GM is not the speech type and is a risk for appropriate content)

We went through a similar situation of navigating a suddenly dropped best man and lots of emotions around it, though for a different reason. (He had a stroke leading up to the wedding.) The most important thing IMO is to support your fiancé emotionally and not push too soon on “you need to replace him.” Quietly do what you can behind the scenes as far as seeing if you can get refunds or transfer to someone else on the things you’ve paid for and what the absolute deadline is to make decisions.


If ultimately your fiancé can’t think of or doesn’t want anyone else to take the jerk’s place, just have the groomsman be best man. Sides don’t have to be symmetrical.

I can understand not being able to afford to attend a wedding that isn't local or even coming to that unfortunate conclusion after accepting a role in the wedding party. But the best man's fiancé doesn't like you because you live at a distance? What does that even mean? Is there any more to the story in terms of expectations your FI had for him etc?

Sides don't have to be even, and a best man can give a brief toast rather than a speech. If your FFIL or an uncle is in the picture that is another option for a speech. Personally, I wouldn't promote or replace the best man.