Best friend didn’t rsvp

First of all, congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! A wedding in Europe sounds amazing!


I recently got married & also had to track down a few guests’ RSVPs. I have to assume this happens to most people. In my opinion, it’s ok to pick up the phone & call if you’ve given them ample time to reply. I started the conversation with something like “The venue needs a final headcount soon. Just checking if you’re able to make it”. I had to ask one friend multiple times & didn’t get a straight answer until about a week before the wedding. She lived out of state & was legitimately trying to work out the logistics of child care & travel. Maybe your friend is in a similar situation?
Also, consider the cost of travel isn’t affordable for everyone. I tried to keep my expectations low for anyone I invited that would have to fly. I wanted them there but fully understood if they couldn’t make it due to the costs involved.
Ultimately, if she’s truly your friend you should be able to ask if she is coming or not without it being weird. I’m sure she’ll feel just as bad as you if she can’t come. Don’t let this ruin your friendship.

I had one extremely good friend not RSVP or say anything about the wedding. I wasn’t expecting her to come, since she’d recently moved out of state, but not getting an RSVP or even a private congrats really hurt. I took a big step back from that friendship. 😞


Since the wedding hasn’t happened yet, I’d reach out one more time with “I don’t know if it got lost (or there was a glitch, for online RSVPs), but we really have to have our final guest count for the caterers.” If she just says no or puts it off, then I’d be hurt and step back from the friendship. But she may have an explanation or her RSVP was genuinely lost, so give her a chance!

I’m confused. If you are having a destination wedding then how did she have a conversation with your husband?


Between the distance and the fact that you are apparently already married I would take her at her word that she has been trying to figure it out. It’s not as if attending a party across an entire ocean is convenient, affordable, or simple. I agree with PP that you should just call her on the phone and say you need final numbers. I’d also tell her you understand why it’s hard or impossible for her to be there.

Agree with PPs that tracking replies is common. But it’s not worth throwing away a friendship over. Life happens and people have other priorities and miscommunications do take place, neither of which are a negative thing.