Bachelorette party planning nightmare

Is it a money issue for hotel rooms? Can y’all reserve and Airbnb and split the cost?

View Quoted Comment The 2 girls not responding are related and were splitting the cost of their room already. Air bnb was the original plan and everything was booked so we are doing hotel which they were all okay with. The hotel is costing the same amount it would of been per person at the air bnb

Just be firm. Say hey, I’ve been trying to help organize this and it’s really important that you guys be there but if you can’t make it, I need to know by this date. I’m going to reserve all the rooms on this date. On this date I need everyone’s money. I’m going to request it via cashapp/Zelle etc. and if they don’t respond in the group call them individually. If they don’t answer that either then you have your answer.

View Quoted Comment This I'd what I did yesterday. I told everyone they need to reserve their rooms at least. That there's an option of paying at hotel if they are concerned about splitting it equally. I reserved mine and mohs room. Haven't heard from the others. I even asked if it was what they all for sure wanted to do before I reserved mine they all said yes.

In my experience with these events, if you depend on others to do things, you set yourself up for disappointment.

I am doing a weekend bachelorette in our wine reason and knowing the people I'm dealing with, I deliberately took the reigns early on and told everyone "it'll cost X, a deposit of Y is required by this date to secure the booking" and arranged the bookings myself because I knew that exactly this situation would happen if I didn't.

If I were you, I would be firm with them about deadlines and bookings so as to get the message across to them that they need to get a move on in order for the plan to go ahead as intended.

I planned my own 100%. My MOH is my man of honor and super busy with work so honestly I knew if I left it in his hands it wouldn't get planned the way I wanted. I made Google forms to surgery people on budgets, locations, etc. I told people if I didn't hear by x date they wouldn't be included or If I didn't get the money for the air bnb by x day they wouldn't be going. If they can't get their act together do something with the ones who cooperate and maybe some other close friends.

View Quoted Comment I really like that idea. What website did u use to make a survey?

View Quoted Comment I just made something on Google forms that they could answer and then I emailed it to them.

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View Quoted Comment Thank you!

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I love this idea!

Wait, are you planning this for yourself? I feel like there may be some reluctance to travel right now? Or maybe money issues after a hard year. Why not try scaling down the expectations here, and have your MOH plan a smaller event in town or local for most people?

View Quoted Comment I'm planning it with my maid of honor. This was the idea they all agreed upon doing since where we live there's nothing to do. I did double check and ask if there was another idea they wanted and they all responded with they wanted to follow through with original plan. It's just them actually reserving their room is pulling teeth. I'm not going to force any idea on them cuz I personally don't care what we did but this was the idea they came up with and I was all for it. My moh or me didn't even come up with the idea it was one of the girls who I can't get to reserve their room. They let me choose where we went so I chose the place I'm more comfortable driving to along with another girl.

You might have to accept that all of their reluctance to commit is because they don't actually want to go (for whatever reason -- budget, time off work, travel concerns, etc.). This is a risk you take when you plan it yourself because your friends don't want to tell you an outright "No", while they might feel more comfortable telling a third party that they can't make it. Maybe change your plan to something simple, with a low cost and time commitment, that doesn't require advance deposits and bookings.

View Quoted Comment I finally had another reach out and they are hopefully going to book today.

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OK well I think you have to go by what they're doing (or not doing-ie not booking) as opposed to what they said. You can't make them follow through, and they are not obligated to attend the bachelorette. Perhaps they've changed their minds but are feeling the pressure. The way you've said you've "excused" two of them from going leads me to wonder about how much you truly think they're obligated to do this. It would be terrible if this casted a shadow over your friendships or your joy in your wedding.

View Quoted Comment I never told them they were obligated. I ment their reasons were understandable of them wanting to actually go but coming down it was not possible. . I've asked them multiple times what each of them wanted to do and asked if any minds has changed and each told me no

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Again, I would advise looking at what they're doing and not what they're saying, because they don't match. I'm saying this may not happen the way you want it to.

View Quoted Comment It is what it is.

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Yes, exactly. Don't it affect the friendships or the joy in your day.

You really shouldn't be doing that much work. It's YOUR party, so it should be the responsibility of the bridesmaids to take care of things. I've been largely hands-off in planning mine, but my sister (the MOH) has kept me updated regularly with little things so that the vast majority of it will remain a surprise. I would start with your own MOH, telling her that you understand that this stuff may be a bit out of her comfort zone, but there's a reason you asked her, and it's time she lived up to that reason. Next, communicate with the rest of the team. Be upfront and say you're concerned that everyone isn't doing their part, but you really want something special to come together. Tell them that you're fine with scaling things back a bit if that will get everyone working together toward something great. Best of luck!