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Just Said Yes October 2025

Bach Party (un)invitee Problem

Laura, on January 26, 2024 at 2:18 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11
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I have a very close friend group I met in college 10 years ago. Two of my three college roommates are going to be invited to my Bachelorette party, but my third roommate and I ate not nearly as close as we used to be, although we still spend time together in social situations. I have decided not to invite this third roommate to the Bach party, but have not yet told her (I just got engaged and the party won't be for another year). She seems to have the expectation that she will be going, and has told me to let her know much money to expect to have to save. How do I gently tell her she's not invited without breaking up the friend group?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Adeline, on January 28, 2024 at 4:23 PM
  • R
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    Rosebud ·
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    Personally I d invite the whole friend group. Unless this person has done something awful to you I think leaving her out would be hurtful and could be awkward for the rest of the group. It also could greatly impact your friendships moving forward. Since it seem like she's willing to contribute to the party and excited for you I don't really see why you d leave her out. Obviously the decision is yours to make and you know your relationships better than anyone else. Best of luck to you and congrats on your engagement!

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    CM ·
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    For now I’d just tell her that you haven’t even thought about it because you won’t be the one planning or organizing it if there is one. That said, no one should have to save up for months to a year to attend, nor does any of this have to be decided now.
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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with Rosebud. I'd probably just invite her. If she were trying to join your wedding party, then I'd suggest saying something to her. But since it's the bachelorette party, and everyone else in the friend group is invited, I'd also include her so that there's no drama in the friend group. I can't think of a way to politely exclude just her in this situation without making her feel alienated (which could affect your friendships with the rest of the group too).
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    CM ·
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    I’d probably just invite her, too if it comes to that. But a lot can happen between now and then, which is why I wouldn’t worry about it now. Do you even know for sure it’s happening?
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  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I completely agree with Rosebud. Unless this person has done something to warrant not being invited, I would just invite her. Inviting an entire friend group, then leaving one person out is incredibly hurtful; and it could cause serious repercussions for your friendship with her, as well as the friend group as a whole.

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  • Jacks
    Rockstar November 2054
    Jacks ·
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    I agree, it seems kind of off-putting not to invite one person out of the group. I would imagine there might be some shade coming your way from the others as well for that decision. Feels kind of like a mean girl thing to do, unless she's been abusive to you or something.

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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    There is no polite way to do that. Also, as the bride, you don’t plan the party yourself, and definitely not a year out unless it requires passports and PTO which not everyone has nor are they necessarily willing to use it for a bachelorette trip.
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  • L
    Just Said Yes October 2025
    Laura ·
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    I should have been more clear. We are beginning the planning due to some in the group needing advanced notice. Also, this is not the only friend group being involved.


    There are many reasons why this person is not invited, including past behaviors at other Bachelorette trips that were very toxic.
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  • Michelle
    Rockstar December 2022
    Michelle ·
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    The additional details still do not make the uninviting appropriate or polite. If someone is truly toxic to the level that you are describing, then the entire group would go the mature route to end the friendship permanently, not exclude them on an individual basis as if it’s the adult version of Mean Girls with a “reason” why you are treating them differently.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I don't think you need to invite her, but I don't think there's a way to do it without their being any fallout.
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    CM ·
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    No one needs a year notice for a bachelorette party or can reasonably be expected to commit to it that far ahead of time. If so, I'd start reconsidering the kind of plans that are being made and accept that not everyone will be able to make it. That also gives you more time to figure out what your relationship with these other friends will be going forward.

    I just don't think you can have it both ways. If you don't invite her, there's a chance they will understand but that you won't be meeting up as a group any time soon or ever again. You may be able to preserve a separate friendship with the others or you may not. From what you say about her, I'd go the route of ending any real relationship with this person other than as an acquaintance and letting the chips fall where they may.


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