At a loss for this wedding shower

So i'm in the same boat. we tentatively are planning my bride's bridal shower for august as if her wedding is still happening. she has a month prior to her sept wedding to decide if she wants to cancel or not. the bridal party decided that it was best to still move forward with planning because things might still happen for her.

but to be frank based on what you're saying ... i might keep this shower ridiculously small or virtual entirely or a drive by shower. if you're saying the bride is immune compromised and high risk, i don't want to risk her getting sick in general, not even just covid -19.

I think if I were you, I'd plan closer to September especially if you're in an area that will be late to reopen. But then is that too close to the wedding?

If you choose a venue to hold the shower at, the groom's family may have no choice BUT to wear a mask if the venue demands it. If you have it outdoors, you should be safer and can maintain a little better social distancing.

The bride's health, if she doesn't take it seriously, there is nothing you can do about it.

I like the idea of offering a zoom interaction, giving folks the choice to attend or be there virtually (that gives those who are somewhat worried about going out an outlet).

You can also be the stronger / caring person and advise there will be temp checks upon arrival and ask those to attest to being symptom free for 14-days. I don't know what the crowd limitations are where you are planning to hold this party, but that could also help you in promoting a zoom included party.

Personally, if there is a 2nd wave of this virus (which I believe there will be), I don't believe the world will shut down again. The economic impact to shutting down twice would be catastrophic. At the end of the day, you have to do what's in the best interest of everyone even if it's having a smaller in person but grander virtual party.

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Thank you for your feedback, it is really helpful. I am told if I ask the groom's family to wear masks they will refuse outright. I wish I wasn't in this position, I absolutely hate drama. HATE IT. I just want to keep the bride safe but also create a wonderful experience.

I guess a first step I can take is to ask how many people on the groom's side might be invited and how many might attend. From there, maybe I voice my concern and see if they can tell me how many will refuse masks.

Once I know that maybe I can make a better decision, or more options will be open to me.

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Thanks Margaret! You've made some excellent points for me to think about! I agree, no one is talking about contingency plans for a second wave.

No matter what solution I come up with I come back to the problem that the groom's family will not listen and cause drama.

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I wouldn't hesitate to call them out on their bs. No mask, no entrance. They don't want to wear a mask? That's fine. However, in order to not endanger the lives of others, particularly the bride, they will be refused entry to the party. Sorry, I am just so fed up with entitled jerks that think their dislike of wearing a mask is more important than people's lives.

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Hannah,

Thanks I know I am with you 100%. She lives in a state where a lot of people think it is ok to not wear a mask because of personal liberty. Since the bride is family I am feeling stressed because I am caught between safety and wanting to get through the whole thing without creating some life long lasting drama. Thanks for the suggestions. I will start by finding out how many they WANT to invite, then I also have to figure out what the rules will be at that time on maximum numbers of people. I wish I did not have to have anything to do with these people rn.

View Quoted Comment I agree to this, it is not those who are refusing to wear a mask’s life being put at risk, it is those who had been patient about guidance and orders who will be put at risk. I’m a bride who had a scheduled 08/08 bridal shower, but chose to postpone/cancel because my sister who is MOH suffers from severe asthma. I care so much more about her health and being than my own disappointment of not having the shower I envisioned. Anyway you do, I’m pretty sure your brides will understand. 🥂 hoping everything works out for everyone!

View Quoted Comment 'No shoes, no shirt, no service" has been a long-standing "infringement on civil liberties" if that's the case. We wear clothes for public decency, why are masks any different? Chances are, these are the type of people who will cause drama regardless of what you do. I would stand firm in reiterating that the mask policy is firm, per recommendations by the CDC and local government. If they choose their own desire to not wear a mask over attending the shower, they are perfectly within their rights to do so 🤷‍♀️. Hit them with their own arguments. Their refusal to wear a mask is an infringement on others' right to life. You also can stress that you don't want to be fined for non-compliance with executive orders nor do you wish to go against CDC guidelines.

Someone told me they were going to have custom masks and give them to people as they were walking in, so everyone had one. I think I’ll give hand sanitizer. Why don’t you choose somewhere in the park for the bridal shower? That should be pretty affordable, or if someone has a really nice outdoor space at their house...

I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all of this. It sounds like you're going above and beyond for the bride and she is lucky to have you. I think including a Zoom option is a great idea. My wedding is in October and my mom wants to do my shower in September, but I'm going to suggest this idea to her. I think it'll help people from feeling pressured to attend in person if they're uncomfortable.

One idea we are doing:

We have broken my shower down into smaller groups. This keeps us all of these mini-showers to about 15 people or less.

- My family 9 -11 am

- His family 11 - 1pm

- Friends 1 - 3pm

I will be a long day for us, but this keeps everyone safer. I would also have it at lease a month before the wedding if not earlier.

Honestly, this may be a situation where having a virtual shower is a better idea. You can plan relatively freely and keep the bride who is immunocompromised safe. I will play devils advocate here....Many mask guidelines do not cover outdoors so people might not put them on even if offered. Similar to an indoor bridal shower. If people are eating, the masks will come off. Also some food for thought, some individuals are told by Healthcare providers to not wear masks due to health conditions that restrict breathing. We often call these people selfish but honestly, they just want to breath. So while we can say they can "just stay home," some may say the same for the bride. "Why have a shower and enforce all these rules if the bride is already high risk?" My point is, this could create some unneeded drama and potentially ruin what is supposed to be a fun day. I would definitely do a virtual shower or even a drive by unless this virus magically lifts itself off the earth...which probably won't happen.

Since you're open to a virtual event, I would only invite guests who will wear masks to the in-person party and everyone else gets a zoom invite. You can say that since it's a celebration for the bride, her closest (related) family members are holding a shower, but she wishes that anyone else who wants to attend can do so virtually. It's not uncommon that only the bride's side is invited, so there shouldn't be hurt feelings. When the groom's family logs on they'll see everyone in masks and be glad they didn't attend in person. Also, since you're saying it's too expensive to hold it at a place you can enforce social distancing, you can legitimately cite budget constraints on the small guest list if anyone questions it.

Well first of all I would definitely wait until this is all over to hold any sort of event. No need to add coronavirus stress to your planning. And if your future husband’s family wont follow your rules at YOUR event, theyre not invited! I know that’s easier said than done but if you make it very clear that is what you require and are comfortable with, they will be the ones who look bad if they still refuse. Also, I truly think everything will be okay by October. Yes, there is a risk of a second wave but you can’t think in what-ifs. Plan based on the current situation. Worst case scenario, you postpone in September. I postponed a month before and it was awful but we survived. October is seriously so far out. My August wedding is still going on as planned. The venue also may let you pencil in a back up date just in case

I'd do an all virtual shower. Showers are supposed to be small anyway. It is odd to invite some in person and others to watch virtually.

Absolutely everything that Hannah said.

Masks required. Bonus if they are wedding themed, but... no mask, you'll be turned away at the door. Which will say more about how the maskless than it will about the couple. Make hand sanitizer into favors. Make them admit they don't care about others' health and safety. (But I can see Manhattan from my street, so I'm .... kinda petty about this, now?)

I would make it a virtual or drive-by shower, too, and simply cite the CDC guidelines and bride's health. (She may or may not take her health seriously, but you can.)

Like others in this thread, I'm pessimistic. I think we're about to see a huge second wave in states that opened up too early, and then I think we'll get another wave in the fall. If you make it virtual or drive-by, you hedge your bets against possible shut-downs.

My aunt is planning my bridal shower right now and is toying with the idea of doing an appointment-based shower. I am happy with this compromise. Basically she would make a schedule for each small group to come, spend some time with me, and then leave. We will then sanitize chairs and the next group will come. We had about 25 women invited so even if we did groups of 5 visiting for 1 hour each, etc. Might make for a long day but I think it's a good compromise so that I can still see people in person. This will be all outdoors on my aunt's backyard deck.

My original date was this Sunday (5/24/2020). The pandemic hit right before my bachelorette in March. I'm in New York. Both my bachelorette and bridal shower were virtual and honestly, they were more special than I could have imagined. My bridesmaids are saying we will do the real thing when this passes but who knows when that will be and where we'll all be in our lives that it's even needed. My bridesmaids did an amazing job with the shower. We all dressed in beach theme to make it fun and different than your usual zoom meetings. They had all the people who had been invited do a video of about 1 minute or less with a memory or a wish they had for me. They even got my first grade teacher and teachers from high school! I was crying, it was so special. The actual zoom party was just with my bridemaids, my parents, his parents, and our brothers. It became more special since my fiancé's family is in California and wouldn't have been able to make it to the shower had it been in person. Also, my fiancé, dad, and brother wouldn't have been a part of it the way they were had it been a traditional shower. We played a few traditional shower games and they sent a few gifts which they had pictures of during a poem presentation of it. I'm not a huge fan of bridal showers so this seemed like the best option for me anyway. I would encourage planning for a shower in person if you want to but knowing the backup of a zoom shower can be wonderful.

In your shoes, I would ask the bride what she wants and go from there. If she says she wants something that you aren't comfortable doing, then tell her that and see if she would prefer to modify it or find someone else to host it. It's not your place to decide for her if she should or shouldn't take the risks.

Personally, I do not want a virtual or drive-by "shower" and I do not want the bridal shower attendees to wear masks. That just isn't how I want to remember this event. If I were invited to such an event I would probably go but not stay long.

Edit: the state I live in has been very slow to open up and they have said July 20 for indoor events of 50/outdoor events of 100. So I am not worried about it getting shut down.

First of all, this is extremely stressful just for a bridal shower, I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds like you really have genuine concern for the bride and the event in general.


I would look into having a backyard or outdoor venue where you can space seats 6 feet apart. If not I would do the all virtual route.
Maybe have a honest conversation with the bride, and just let her know your worries and concerns and how they come from a place of love, hopefully she can see that and maybe help navigate this with you.