Asking bridesmaids before fh has his groomsman picked?

I wouldn’t ask anyone this far out. I’ve seen on here so many times where brides have a falling out or lose closeness with friends they’d known for years and then feel awkward having them in their wedding. A maid of honor is simply the person you have the closest relationship with and therefore are honoring her role in your life.

I would wait to ask them until it's about a year before your wedding. I know it feels like a long time to wait, but the reason I suggest this is because relationships can and do change. You might meet a new friend between now and then who you want to include in your wedding party. Or you might have a falling out (though hopefully not) with one of your friends. Or you might change your mind later on. It's typically a friendship ending move to remove someone from your wedding party, so it never hurts to wait it out until your wedding is closer just to be sure. Search through these forums, and you'll find plenty of people who regretted asking their wedding party too soon. If anyone asks who is in your wedding party, you could always just say something along the lines of, "We decided that we're not going to decide on wedding party until closer to our wedding." When you do finally ask them, you definitely don't need any fancy proposal boxes or anything! A card or even asking in person works just fine.


To answer your question about maid/matron of honor, that is intended to be an honor for your closest friend. If you're only having two people in the wedding party, I would either make them both a maid/matron of honor, or make them both bridesmaids.

View Quoted Comment I understand others having a falling out, but I really don't know how we'd ever have a falling out? Like we're 1000s of miles away and we can still read eachothers minds. Lol

I would not ask anyone this far out. Friendships and people change and you never know what could happen in the next 2.5+ years. I would ask them closer to the 1 year mark.

A maid/matron of honor is the person that stands next to you. They are typically your closest friend. Maid is unmarried, Matron is married.

View Quoted Comment But how do I plan my wedding and get their opinion without asking them to be my bridesmaid and MOH? Like I want her input. Lol

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You can get their opinions on things without having asked them to be a BM. But this far out, what would they really be helping you with? The first things you book are things like venue, caterer, photographer, and those are things you and your fiancé choose together. Not you and your bridal party.

View Quoted Comment I have searched this forum and most of the people who have had a falling out are friends from college,or family members, or people in general they haven't always been close with.

If I removed her the friendship would already be over there's nothing that could make me not be friends with them lol.


One is married and the other isn't so that would work,but who's to say the one won't get married in that time frame. I'd probably give titles closer to the 1 year mark.

View Quoted Comment They help me decipher my own brain and thinking. Lol and keep me grounded. My groom has no opinions and whatever I want he's okay with. So it's nice to have people with opinions that help me make decisions.

Hey Alyssa, I would definitely way until you're at least 1 year out. So much can change, hopefully nothing bad, but you don't wanna get ahead of yourself. When it comes to really close friend they already KNOW they'll be part of your wedding lol.

As pp said, a Maid of Honor is the person who is the most special to you and you want to honor them by giving them a special role (she's single) . . like the best man. A Matron of Honor is the same as MOH but she's married.

Repeating some of what has already been said, but I'd definitely wait until next year. If they're your best friends, they should know they'll be included! It's not like your asking other people before them. They can still help you plan stuff, but being over two years out, the only thing you should really be booking at this point is your venue and caterer and that's mainly between you and your FH. Your bridesmaids normally don't go with you to see venues.

View Quoted Comment Depending on venue availability I may move the wedding up a whole year so then I will be asking them sooner rather than later I guess 😂

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Sorry, but I don't agree. I had a fallout with my best friend who I was friends with for over 10 years. We ended up ending our friendship while I was planning my wedding and she was no longer a part of the wedding as a result. I would never recommend asking someone until about 9 months out even if you think your friendship won't change because there is no guarantee. I never would've thought my former friend and I would stop being friends.

I would not recommend asking anyone this far in advance. Relationships change, and I can't tell you how many brides post on here about making choices they regret (and I'm sure in most cases they didn't foresee the relationship deteriorating either). Whether they officially are or are not bridesmaids doesn't obligate them to help, so just lean on them as friends for now - I'm sure they will still be excited to help! And if they are not that's ok, too - wedding planning is not for everyone. I am not having a bridal party at all, but many friends have still been interested in helping me plan (the boring details that my FH is not interested in, Lol). You are almost three years out; don't make a hasty decision now that you might regret later.

View Quoted Comment Oh god if we stopped being friends I would just cancel my wedding I would be too emotionally upset to even try to plan anything. 😭

So I’m gonna be the opposite and say, I have three very best friends, and we’ve been this close for 8+ years. My DH proposed on 12/30/2018 and I asked them I asked them the next day with a goody box! We married on 11/07/2020.. They stood by my side and went way above and beyond for me. So I feel like if you are this close to them as you say you are, go for it girl!

View Quoted Comment Thank you! We have no reasons to fight or have any falling outs. I will probably ask them after I book my venue! Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!

I think this is a “know your friends” type of deal. I’ve read SOOOO many stories on here about falling outs with BM’s that scared the living daylights out of me, but at the end of the day after getting engaged I was just SO excited about “officially” including my best girls in my day that I couldn’t wait any longer to ask them. Now did “formally” asking them change anything in terms of what I could or couldn’t talk to them about for the wedding? Of course not 😂 I was just so excited to ask them, and knew that I couldn’t wait because I didn’t want to slip up and say “when you’re my bridesmaid...” or something along those lines because I knew I would (and I’m alllll about the surprise even though they all knew it was coming!) Is there a chance you’ll ask them and wind up regretting it? Absolutely there definitely is. It’s just a matter of if that risk is something that you’re willing to take. But I feel terribly for girls that did it and did regret it, because I know I would be a mess if I lost touch any of my girls between now and my wedding 😭

Do not ask anyone prior to 6 months before the wedding. Relationships change and there are many posts about regretting asking early.

View Quoted Comment 6 months before?! That's just absurd. If my best friend waited until so close I'd just assume she wasn't going to ask me and wouldn't plan for it.

View Quoted Comment That's the timeline many of the newly married ladies suggest based on their personal experiences.