Anyone else think the concept of Wedding Registries is strange and somewhat tacky?

You don't have to have a gift registry if you don't want to. Especially if you know most of your guests won't use it. I'm having a bit of a destination wedding so a registry is good because I know there will be a lower attendance due to distance. Do whatever makes you happy.

It’s not really asking for specific things. It’s meant to act as a guide for guests so they know what you need. It also helps avoid getting multiple of the same item.

I think the point of a registry in the olden days was that the bride registered and the guests brought gifts to prepare the woman to enter into a home with her new husband. Traditionally a woman lived at home with her parents until she married so the point of the registry/gifts was to prepare her new home.

In todays society I think we've just accepted registries as the norm though most of us live alone or with our spouses before marriage. I'd still rather have the pots and pans I like than the ones great aunt dedra picks out.

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Yup, I know I don't have to have one, but I'm wondering in general why this wouldn't be perceived as tacky.

Most guests are grateful for registries. It tells them what you need and the kind you want even though they don't have to buy the exact one. It can be stressful for people that want to make sure they give a gift that the couple actually wants and needs but have no clue where to start.

On what are seen as gift giving occasions you give people a small list of things you might like -Birthdays or christmas for example. People do this so that you actually get the gifts you might want and so that those close to you can look at the list and no one goes out and gets the same thing.

While weddings do not REQUIRE a gift - most people feel compelled to bring one - and so people started to register so they didn't end up with duplicates and so they got to fill their home with things they actually liked VS things Aunt Susie liked. It's not tacky - because its just a guide. Just because you register doesn't mean you expected or demand people give a gift. That's why the registry information isn't included on anything other than a shower invite (which is specifically to give gifts.) and why those who don't register forgo showers. It just means that if someone WANTS to give a gift - here are the things the Bride and Groom could use and the version of those things they like.

Honestly - like if it bothers you don't do it. But its not a hard concept. You provide people with a gift list twice a year - its not that different.

MrsKC is pretty on point. My mom talks about registering back in the early 80s when the concept was pretty new and only available at a few different department stores (they'd literally fax the list to the store where a guest was requesting it). She had 3 different showers and ended up with her entire china collection from all her mom's church friends, her entire kitchen supplies, plus a bunch of stuff she still uses (and some that I've stolen haha). The point of the shower was to set up a new bride for her new home, since the antiquated perception of marriage was that the woman was going to be a homemaker. It was basically her dowry instead of her dad giving her new husband a couple goats and a cow. The registry allowed the bride to start picking out the items she actually wanted, instead of being at the whim of all the random church ladies giving her mismatched plates and 4 toasters.

I don't find it tacky because the guests don't have to buy anything, I find them to be just in case. I made a registry just in case I was asked about what I would need or like. That didn't happen, and I get to use the discounts to buy the items I put on my registry.

I get what you're saying, and I agree. However, I was not raised in the US. We didn't have a registry because of how I was brought up. I was taught not to mention gifts at all and not to expect gifts. Registries, *IMO*, set an expectation for gifts.

We didn't have one and got mostly cash. More traditional uncle/aunts got me some essentials like sheets. We do not regret not having a registry.

I don't really see the difference between registries and honeyfunds to be quite honest. It's the same concept, you are blatantly asking for something be it material things or money. You are still asking people to spend money, it's just where the money is going is different. Someone decided one is socially acceptable and not the other.

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Completely agree.

I felt weird about creating a registry, since I'm older and have had my house for more than 10 years now. It does feel kind of tacky. But, I know my mom is going to throw me a shower, so I did it anyway.

Plus, it'll be nice to finally upgrade my dollar-store utensils, lol. I'm also looking forward to the discount after the wedding on the items that people don't buy.

Edit: And, as a guest, I'm always grateful for the registry, and look forward to buying the items, whether it's for a bridal or baby shower. It's cool to see people's different sense of style and not have to second-guess whether they'll like what I'm going to buy. I just look at what's in my price range and go from there. But, I always give money as a wedding gift.

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The difference is - one is asking your guests to subsidize a vacation you have most likely already paid for and that is completely optional. The other is a gift list that you don't show or tell anyone about unless they specifically ask you so that they know they are buying you something useful and that you like. The same way family members and close friends ask you what you want for your birthday and christmas.

You don't ask your friends and family to send you to disney world for your birthday. Why would you think its okay when you get married?

At Christmas I hate telling people what I want, usually because if I want something I buy it myself. But I kept getting things I didn't like or need. So this year I decided to make a specific list and not buy those things until after Christmas and I got everything I wanted and maybe one or two gifts that I didn't like. It's just a guide. As much as you shouldn't expect gifts, there will always be people that are going to get you something. It might as well be something you like and want/need.

Wedding registries are great !

We use registries because department stores sold us on the idea. People frowned upon them when they started, just like they do now with honeyfunds. I think they're kind of odd , but we have a small one because my family is gift givers (They don't give money) and I would love to get a discount on a decent vacuum.

@Munchkin9218 After like 8 years old, I have never given people a list of stuff I wanted for birthdays or Christmas and even then the Christmas list was for my parents. People still think registries or wish lists for birthdays and holidays are tacky. Maybe I'm odd, but I think half the fun of getting a gift is that it's something a person thought of to get you, not something you told them you wanted. I have so many things I love that I never would have put on a list. For me, that's the fun of gift giving, too.

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But creating a registry is like saying you expect gifts. So while I understand what you are saying about honeyfunds and asking people to send you on vacation, I just don't that big of a difference with asking people to buy you gifts. Because by creating a registry you are saying, "I want gifts." So I agree with OP that they are both tacky.

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Everyone's lives are different - In my family we would rather gift someone something they really want or need - So on those occasions we ask people to give us a list to guide us. That doesn't stop us from going off list but it help. Everyone's families are different and just people not everyone continues to provide a gift list for holiday's doesn't mean that a registry isn't the same basic concept.

"After like 8 years old, I have never given people a list of stuff I wanted for birthdays or Christmas and even then the Christmas list was for my parents. People still think registries or wish lists for birthdays and holidays are tacky. Maybe I'm odd, but I think half the fun of getting a gift is that it's something a person thought of to get you, not something you told them you wanted. I have so many things I love that I never would have put on a list. For me, that's the fun of gift giving, too."

EXACTLY!

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But you aren't asking anyone to buy you a gift because the etiquette around registries says you don't mention it or put it on any invitation information. It gets spread by either word of mouth (mean people ask you if you want something and you say oh we are registered at X if you would like to give a gift) or if someone throws you a shower (which is traditionally an event specifically used to open the gifts the bride and groom might receive) the information is then sent out by the host since that is a gift giving event,

Having a registry is not the same as specifically asking people to give you a gift because you don't talk about it or post about it. Its the same way when your birthday is coming up you don't just go around saying "Hey I need new shoes" but if you mom calls and ask what you want/need - you can say to her "oh I could use a new pair of sneakers"

And in both these instances you also aren't required to give any information - which is the same as no registering or say "oh I don't need anything" and then its at the other persons discretion whether to buy you a gift or not or just give money. But in no way is saying "hey these are the plates we like if you decide you do want to gift us something" equate to "Hey we decided to put these plates on a gift list so now you are REQUIRED to buy them"