Any brides affected by Covid-19 who decided to cancel outright instead of postpone because it affects their family planning timelines?

I'm 32, almost 33, and feel what you're feeling as I too am a first time bride. My date is July 11, 2020 and I feel that I don't want to stall starting a family if my date were to be changed. I'm hopeful that the summer months will be better in regards to containing the virus. I've too wondered, if we're able to go to the courthouse do I further delay starting a family? Do we even mess with a big celebratory reception if we have to go to the courthouse and don't get to have our original planned wedding?


Just wanted to write you're not alone in the feelings you are having. I'm hopeful and staying positive that us summer brides will be just fine!

I want to give you lots of hugs! Although I can't fully understand what you're going through, I imagine it must be so tough. And I totally get that feeling of not wanting to postpone for a year. I'm originally a June bride that's considering postponing to August. I really think things will go back to normal by August or the fall. And maybe you can do bridal shower/ bachelorette party like a couple of weeks before the wedding instead of months before. Anyway I hope it works out for you!

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@Shannon - Thank you.

I have read that it will possibly subside in the summer, but the WHO also indicated that there could be a resurgence in the fall, and it could just get worse (I really need to stop reading everything).

So it's a crap shoot really. Not to mention those who are healthy may not have jobs and may not be able to attend because they can't afford to (which I have a feeling may become a thing).

I hope that your July nuptials continue and you are able to do everything you wanted to do, just in time for a baby

Even in the wake of all the crises of humanity - life still went on. We have to hope for that.

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@Vy Nguyen - thanks! I am trying to stay positive, it's just hard. I'm not super worried if the bachelorette gets pushed back to July, I just want people to feel comfortable to be out in public again, and to feel healthy.

I would encourage you to stay optimistic about being able to keep your wedding date. it’s still 5 months away, and no matter how much experts try to predict what will happen, the truth is nobody has any idea. I would speak with your venue ASAP though. Explain to them your concerns and see what dates they have available. Under the circumstances, maybe they would pencil you in for one of those dates in case things take a turn for the worst. According to press conferences yesterday though, it looks as though the president is wanting to open up the country within the next couple weeks. So chances are, venues will be open for business by the time your wedding date rolls around! Worst case scenario, you do have to forfeit your wedding date, and the venue has nothing for a year. Although it would mean losing out on money, you could always find another venue with an earlier date that works for you guys. You could even try free locations, like parks, ect. If taking a honeymoon directly after the wedding is too risky, just postpone that part. You can always take that trip to reestablish your bond as a couple after the baby is born. If anything, you will appreciate that trip (and relaxation) even more after becoming parents and having a newborn at home! I know we all have this ideal fairytale of what our wedding experience will look like, and it’s disappointing when it doesn’t work out exactly as we had planned. But remember, you didn’t even think you would be getting married or having children... now you will be getting both!! No matter what the path looks like getting there, it is the end result that really matters. The best suggestion I could give is to let go of preconceived ideas of what your special day will look like, and be open to making changes and getting creative. Who knows, maybe the end result will be even better than you had initially planned!

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Well said.

Changing venues would be impossible because that's an additional $$$$$ we wouldn't have; but I like your idea about a park or something; then maybe doing a small catered event elsewhere on a much smaller scale.

Cancelling outright would probably cause us to forfeit most of our deposits we made already, which I'm nervous about, but I think it depends on what we do. I can foresee a lot of litigation about this in 2021.

I did speak with my venue coordinator, and right now, she told me to keep planning and stay positive. But like you said - no one really has any idea how long this will last.

I think that fortunately you're still far enough out that you might not run into any issues with the date you have. The NY governor is saying he thinks the peak here will be in 2-3 weeks, then hopefully it will start to decline and maybe other places won't be as hard hit because they're less dense.

We had an early May wedding date. For us, FH and I decided to cancel the bigger wedding and reception we had planned and we'll just go to the courthouse once it's back open again (we're in the NJ/NY/CT shutdown so we can't even do that right now). We're also in our mid-30s, and were originally going to wait until after the wedding and honeymoon to start trying to have a family. Most of our families are understanding about our decision to cancel the big ceremony, even FH's who are more old fashioned. I'm trying to look on the bright side since we originally only wanted a small wedding (it grew) and we're having that again. Hopefully you'll be able to find a park or somewhere if you need, but I think that you will be ok by then. I'm even hoping the courthouse is opened back up by the end of May or early June

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. We have a community hub of all our COVID-19 information, including cancellation guides, monthly planning posts, and advice on how to get additional support. I hope it helps you navigate this difficult time!

So sorry, you are not alone in this at all though! I'm sure many brides on here feel the same way as you, including me. I'm 28, my fiancé is 32 and we also want to start trying for a baby right after we get married. I also did not want to postpone my wedding too far off because of that reason.

Our wedding was supposed to be May 30th but we made the difficult decision to postpone to July 18th. I must say I am so relieved to have changed it. It's not that much further out thank god, and im just praying that by then things will be okay. With the restrictions going in to May (I'm in WNY) , I just felt it was too close to our wedding date and would affect people wanting to come and RSVP so I made the decision before sending our invitations out - which we were planning to do this week or next (8 weeks out).

I honestly think you will be okay in August. I think you should hold out for at least the month of April but it is also a good idea to talk with your venue and vendors and get an idea of back up dates. That's what I did last week, and shockingly everyone was available July 18th and I am very grateful for that.

Thinking of you and all of the 2020 brides that are struggling!

Thanks for the advice and thoughts, everyone. I feel better since posting this, and knowing that others are going through this too.

I'm 31 and not quite ready to have a baby, as much as I might want to, but I'm sure if I was in your situation I would feel the same way. In case it helps to know you're not alone.... I also have severe (treated, but it's never completely gone) anxiety and I have experienced some depression throughout this process even before the coronavirus came up.
We've decided that we're getting married on 8/8 even if we're not allowed to invite anyone, so we're not considering postponing at all, with the understanding that we may not be able to have the wedding we were expecting. It could happen that we end up getting married with only our immediate families present, or alone at city hall. If that happens, we will still have an event (at our venue) at some point in the future to avoid losing the pile of money we've already given them and to avoid pissing off all of the people we sent save the dates to, but it won't be a wedding, and we won't pretend it is. If you want to get married now/this summer because you want to do that before having a baby, you should do that! If you want to reduce the feeling that you lost something because you can't have the party (reception) you wanted to go along with your wedding, it might help to reassign the money, contracts, etc to something else you can look forward to. I wouldn't want to be pregnant at my own wedding, but I probably wouldn't mind being pregnant at a, "Yay, it's safe to be around other people again!" party.

I'm so glad you brought this topic up. I could strongly relate to this. I'll be 35 this year and we've been trying to get a home, start a family, etc. We thought to focus on the wedding first, and now since that may or may not happen any time soon, it has been sad.

My fiance said that he's not going to hold off and rely on the wedding anymore. We have to move on with our lives so that we don't miss out on anything else. I was so relieved when he said that. All will work out in our lives for sure.

Much Love! xoxo

I'm glad you chose to post here so we can support you, and I'm really glad this community was able to help you feel a little better today. I want to echo what your planner said about keeping planning and staying positive. It's true we don't know what things will be like in August and there are a lot of confusing, conflicting, and scary messages out there, but we are learning new things every day and there is a lot to be hopeful and positive about.

You mentioned anxiety and depression, do you have someone to talk to? Are you keeping the lines of communication open with your partner, family, and friends? Do you have a counselor you can talk to about what you're experiencing? There are a lot of big life changes coming your way that would stress anyone at the best of times, and talking to an impartial professional can really help us tackle things when life throws us curve balls. I can also recommend some free online resources if you'd like. I'm rooting for you!

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@Jo - hello, thank you for checking in. I have someone I see/check in with; I have also consulted with my ob/gyn about my anxiety. I regularly discuss this with my fiance, it's just upsetting because I want to have the big day and not lose out on all that money (and break not only my heart, but my parents' hearts), I just feel it's incredibly bad taste to have a public Celebration of Marriage when I'm pregnant or with a child already (because it would not be a real wedding reception, in my mind - no offense to anyone).

It just seems ridiculous to both of us that we'd have to wait that much longer in time to have a big wedding, and then risk complications by waiting that much longer to have a child (and at that point, it would definitely just be one child, no real option for two). It's just incredibly sad that that has become my new reality.

My fiance already feels bad enough that he proposed when he did (he asked me if he proposed on our one year anniversary, would I have said yes - DUH! So I'm sure the thought has crossed his mind that if he did that we would have been married by now, and possibly expecting, which lends even scarier prospects during this time of crisis). All the more because he's been aware of how important timelines were to me (namely, that because I'm traditional, I want things done in order - wedding before baby).

I think it's also overwhelming because my fiance didn't really want or care about the big day (he's been married before), he just wants to get married. It's all the more easier for him to say, let's just do something small (and cheap, which is still impossible for even a small party, unless you want a backyard thing).

I'm sure my perspective is skewed quite a bit, when literally all of my friends and family are married already, 90% of which had beautiful, nice weddings (when I say this, I mean the normal average wedding), without having to deal with any of this. Some of them I'm sure didn't care nearly as much as I did whether they did it, and sometimes I feel like I'm the one who cared the most about any of this, and I'm the last one. I feel like a spoiled brat when I think, "It's FINALLY my turn, dammit!" (another hangup, I admit). And then a pandemic happens. So yeah, it's unfair.

BUT.... if we have our health, and our immediate family members would be able to attend, we can do something quick, informal, and ... to be blunt, cold, and unromantic, then we have to do what we have to do, because we have to think of the bigger picture. I want to marry him, that is the whole point after all. And I'm SO lucky to have him.

I realize I cannot live my life resentful that I may never have this, although plenty of women do, I'm sure. I know it's no one's fault; I'm just worried that it's going to haunt me and I'll never get over it. (This is why I've been talking to someone). So many people out there say they'll do vow renewals, or go on that honeymoon, or do X... and yet, it never happens, because life gets in the way, and they need money for other things. I don't want empty promises, or live my life with "maybe" someday this will happen.

Maybe this is why I look at weddings and honeymoons as such a priority before children - because once you have them, everything else goes out the window (as it should, within reason). Again, I want to reiterate that I lived most of my adult life alone before this point, and never travelled (my own fault I suppose) so I look it this whole situation as, this is my one shot. And it may not happen. And I have to learn to cope with that.

My situation isn't exactly the same as yours but I still kind of know how you feel. I'm mid 20s and wanted to have kids after we elope in August (which I am not very hopeful for because this seems like it will last a year or more who knows) Given your age if I were you I would just have a legal ceremony so you can officialy sign and then TTC asap and have a wedding a year or two after you have a child (to me that is what is more important, I'd be more upset not being able to have a child than not having a beautiful celebration) at the end of the day a wedding is one day, you'll have your child/children for many years. Crap situation unfortunately we just have to decide what we want more.

I understand where you are coming from first time bride @ 39 so yes at 35 you are at higher risk but it's not impossible to have a baby at that age. Second i feel that your August date will be OK. They said Covid-19 doesn't like hot weather so the summer will kill this out as fast as its spreading I feel it would be gone by May/June I'm was worried about mine in JA as its a destination wedding with border control but I'm let it go stressing isn't the answer, putting unnecessary pressure on yourself wont help and might just throw your hormones out of wack. Recite the serenity prayer daily. Even if you have to change it to a family/friends nice back yard have a sibling/friend get ordained online so that it's personal. Decorate, have abbq, photo booth (groupon) has deals. use this Covid situation to get discounts and have a plan B.

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@Naikesha thanks.

You're definitely right about the hormones.

I like the Groupon idea, and people seem to love the photo booth.

Best to you in your upcoming nuptials.

First, for you and everyone feeling like they are on a tight rope of stress, do I cancel or postpone or quietly legally marry as soon as possible, nothing certain, I am sorry.
Your dilemma on pregnancy spoke to me. Because after a mid twenties marriage, and time to settle in, having paid all school loans for both of us , before we would set a date ( working 70 hour weeks would have been no marriage!), we married. We married, and started saving, figuring baby born after we get a house would be best. Then I got a strep throat infection that travelled, heart and brain swelling, in a coma, finally out with minor problems only. So lucky. But I had lost 1/3 of my body weight. And I had been muscular but lean before. And only gain weight slowly, a lifelong trait. Well, we got the house, we remodeled, and all the while, creeping into thirties, was: do we have a baby now, me very underweight, and baby born possibly with damage, or wait. 30's creeping on. In the end, a couple years before we could start getting pregnant, and lucky doing so immediately. The decision brought me back to the stories of my parents, who were in medicine and education, and what I knew from my profession. Times of epidemics before vaccines, especially rubella and polio. But anything more routine, measles, mumps, strep/rheumatic fever, in which pregnant mom spiked a fever, high, before recovering just fine. Parts of the late forties, early fifties into earliest sixties. Each wave, huge chronic care hospitals, later life long institutions, had to be built in most states for the huge number of babies who had these diseases, where babies up to 6 months of pregnancy were deformed in utero. New strains of old diseases, or expanding populations that brought more people close together, post WW2 decades, and thousands and thousands of babies with brain damage, or sensory deficits, blind or deaf, often both, or some limbs or spine deformed. Some with little brain, sections missing. To my parents, the survivors were near their age, hundreds and hundreds in the places they trained and first worked. And when the Gyn reminded me of the importance of mom being healthy during pregnancy, all this came back. The incredible numbers. The reason for the research that led to vaccines in the 60's. Hubby knew, too. Two deaf and low functioning developmentally delayed siblings of his dad, aunts born after Mom had rubella ( German measles) their mom had while in second month, or third month measles, lived with them all his life. In 70's now. Functional skills of a 7-8 year old, all their lives, as well as deaf and with low vision . .Two epidemics their mom had known were coming, but no birth control ( church did not believe in it.). So, knowing these epidemics were in a big wave, they got pregnant anyway. ****** I understand your feeling of a ticking clock. You want to get pregnant this year. But don't. Married or not. This is a first year disease. No one knows what the babies born after mom had it in utero, will be like. What if you and hubby are lucky, next winter, and then each are fortunate enough to have the corona virus, cough and wheeze and have a sore throat, and get better ... And seven or whatever months later, baby who was developing his brain in utero, is born without a section of brain, cannot think? Ever, at all. Or deaf, or blind, and severely deformed? The first wave of an epidemic, most will survive. And if you have it and get over it, as most do, and are not pregnant at the time, you will likely carry some immunity, so if it is around again, and you are pregnant, you would have at most a very mild case. And baby would be less likely to be affected. Also, there would be many people around you who had it, now carried some immunity, available to run schools, have some safe day care, in the years to follow. It is likely you will be able to have a wedding with a gathering of people, by August. Maybe fewer people will travel, their finances shaky from whatever time they missed working. But airfare deals will be common, for a while, to encourage those who can to fly again. And many more people will likely choose home, or area park style weddings, as were common post WW2 through 50's ( even the Catholic Church encouraged them) , so more were 50-80 people than 100-200. And that will free up many venue slots. They will be happy to get your business. So wait and see on your wedding. It is too early to reschedule. But, what ever you do, don't get pregnant in the first 15 months to 18 months of an epidemic. Most people want to bear most children before the mom is in her forties, because a fraction of one percent more babies may have a medical condition and disability if mom is older. But you are talking increases of one in a thousand, mostly, or less. If, like zika or rubella, a full 20-50% of babies who get it in utero at certain times die, or are severely affected, Whoa ! Til you or others have some immunity, or they get a vaccine, clearly it is better to wait til you are 37-38, with maybe a 1 in 10,000 increase in some risks, than a 2000 of 10,000 risk. Just wait out the first full winter next winter. Far more people, including you, will have some immunity. And doctors and hospitals will be in business, not shunting you off to a home birth because hospitals are not safe to give birth in, due to a virus. We will know, is this virus harmless to developing babies? Or are there serious risks. There may be medications a mom can take if she gets it, to reduce risks to a baby she is carrying. And vaccines may be available. We likely will know, is this a disease that runs year round, or one that like many respiratory viruses, nearly disappears May thru November, a window of more safety for planning the first few critical months of pregnancy. Whatever your choice on weddings, don't get pregnant this next calendar year to 15 months.
I am now the mother of 5, 2 orphans we adopted the year we had our first baby, and 4 years ago, twins. Delayed til I was a healthy weight again for 1 full year, and had prenatal care. I have always been a non-smoker and very light drinker.Something to note about all those , harder to get pregnant and slightly higher genetic problems studies we all know now, done ****. A huge majority of women smoked, and there was a spike in the number of women who drank fairly heavily for 5-10 years, when ages 18-28 mostly, and pill taking was pretty common. If you do not do those things, in your past, you have a much better likelihood of getting into your forties and getting pregnant more easily, being healthier with fewer genetic issues from breakable and multiple genetic strands that cause many conditions like Down Syndrome and a load of others. Non-smoking, drug free or minimal use and low drinking mothers in those studies who took care of Gyn health , more easily conceive, and have fewer issues in their forties, more like younger women. Don't consider an early epidemic baby. Do cut out anything unhealthy now, for a healthier pregnancy between 37 and 43 or so. I wish you the best. But you may have to rethink your pregnancy plans.

I am 100% with you.

I'm 34 (will be 35 by the end of the year) and my fiance is three years older. We planned our wedding for May 30th (my favorite time of year) and were planning a 60-80 person event with our families and close friends. Call us old fashioned, but we want to be married before trying for kids, and I'd really like to give birth before I'm 37. With our date as is, if I ripped my IUD out immediately after our wedding we'd have about 18 months to try to conceive. So pushing our date back, even just by months, is less than ideal. Waiting a year or two for a vaccine to come out would throw any hope of us having a biological child of our own out the window entirely.

For me our wedding is about so much more than just me marrying my fiance. I moved away from home for grad school and settled here, and have been in the same area for 10 years. My mom has visited exactly once, and she's never seen the home I bought 6 years ago, and having her here to share in this day with me was so important to me. My FH grew up here, and his parents are a little over an hour away from us, so we do all our holidays with them, and most of our local friends are really his friends. My closest friends are spread out, and I rarely see them, and bringing them all together was so exciting for me. Before I even met my FH, I often felt that the most exciting thing about my wedding day would be bringing all of the people I love together in one place.

And because we are older, our parents are too. They're in their 70s, and not getting younger, or healthier. We don't want to risk them getting sick if we have a wedding, but we also don't want to not have a wedding and then have them get sick anyway and then they just die before we get married. My FH's dad has several medical conditions including a bad heart that required extensive surgery years ago. Even without Covid-19 we have never been sure how much time we have left with him. I know that sounds like, really extreme, but it's real for us, and it's heartbreaking. My dad died when I was 22, and the thought of my FH's dad not being at our wedding crushes me. Do we risk having him leave the house so he can be with us if we get married now, or soon? Do we risk waiting a year and hoping he'll be with us then, that he doesn't get Covid-19 before then or succumb to some other health issue?

We want to wait until mid-April to make a decision, but it would take a miracle for our wedding to happen as we planned. Currently our state is under stay-at-home orders until May 5th, but our governor says it will likely be many months if not years before social distancing can be relaxed and we can return to any sort of normal life. The deposits we've paid (roughly $4,900 so far) can be put towards a different date but cannot be refunded. Even if we could have the wedding on our date, I am not confident people would or could travel (most of my closest friends don't live locally), particularly my mom and MOH (in New Jersey) and my FH's sister (who is in NYC), and the people who are most important to us to share this moment with (our parents) are most at risk.

My FH and I have been to so many weddings together, and I always wanted it to be our turn. I was so excited.

I've grieved and grieved a lot. I've cried more about this than about really traumatic experiences in my life, including the sudden death of my father just three months before I graduated from college. When my dad died, it happened and was over, there was no suspense. There was just before and after, no in between. My parents never got to see me graduate from high school (my HS oversold tickets), my dad died before I finished college, and now my mom might not be able to see me get married. For my wedding, I literally wanted to have this one event where I was surrounded by people I love and the joy I felt bore deep into my bones. I always thought the worst thing about my wedding would be not being able to dance with my dad (I almost always need to excuse myself during the typical father-daughter dance), not that there'd be a pandemic and standing too close to someone or hanging out with too many people would mean you or someone else could get sick and die. Now I'm worried that for the rest of my life, entire weddings will make me feel sad and remind me of what was stolen from me. I'm honestly worried I'll just be spiteful and will never be able to enjoy another wedding again.

There is no winning. Unless by some miracle our wedding can happen on May 30th like we planned, and everyone can come and be safe, and we and our guests can hug and dance and eat and drink and share laughs and pull one another tight for photos, we've lost something. Even if we try to push the date back so it can be what we wanted, just later, we've lost time. Time could be the difference between my FH and I having a baby, or our parents being able to see us tie the knot. It matters, and it's something we have no control over. And if we do push back the date, there's no guarantee a wedding like what we planned could ever happen at all again later this year or the year after that, and the more we push it back, the more expensive it will be (vendor rates typically go up every year), the less time we have to try for a baby, and the longer we'll spend in suspense, unable to even feel excited without feeling afraid. We just don't know how or when this will end.

Oh and even if we do get married and try to have a kid, I'm not even confident we'd be able to get adequate pre-natal care with the medical system being so overrun with Covid-19 cases. Currently have a friend due a week before our wedding and her fiance can't go to any appointments with her anymore (although as of right now, he's still allowed at the birth). Literally it feels like this virus is destroying everything I dreamed of for my future.

I'm just sad. Sometimes it makes me feel better to know others are going through something similar (so thanks for starting this topic), but sometimes it doesn't, because I don't want anyone to have to hurt this much. This is awful. I'm so sorry for you. I really hope that maybe by August things will be a little better and you can still have the day you dreamed of.

Sharing all the love and hugs I can from far away!

I totally understand your concerns but first want to caution you not to over stress about it. I do believe there will still be COVID-19 cases for quite a while, but the point of social-distancing is to slow the spread to help the medical facilities be able to handle it better. There is no way even that people will abide by such serious restrictions into the summer. I totally understand still getting married on your date whether it gets to be the big plans you'd dreamed or not. I feel the same way. I'll be 33 this year and my FH is 41. We're definitely aiming to start for a family right away. Our date is October 24 and I'm not waiting a single day later.