Am i Wrong?

A bachelor(ette) party isn't a necessity. If you can't/don't want to pay for it, skip it.

Yeah i can see how you're upset because you're right - when you accept being a part of the party, you know that comes with the responsibility of saving up for it. or well, you should realize that it comes with needing to spend something to be a part of it. but at the same time, i think there does need to be a little give because someone's finances are hard in ways we won't know.

for the suit maybe you can see if he or you can find someone with the color you prefer that can lend it to him?

and for the bachelor bachelorette they don't have to go :/ i mean ya want them to but at the same time they dont have to attend if they cant afford it

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I agree with this. If your friends can't afford to pay for the party you planned, cancel the party. Your wedding will still be nice even without any pre-parties.

I understand being upset, but typically with bachelor/bachelorette parties budget should be discussed before plans are made. If they can’t afford staying in the rental, can plans be altered? Did you and FH plan it yourselves? We talked about doing a joint bachelor/bachelorette party, or at least some activities together, but we really just gave our wedding party ideas because typically they plan this kind of event not the couple.
We are on a tight budget too and one of my MOHs is planning and paying for her own wedding and the other just bought a house, so I’ve tried to be as understanding as possible about their budgets. I understand that agreeing to be in the wedding party is agreeing to wear what the bride and groom choose, but I also feel like if having that person is important and they can’t afford the requested attire you have a decision to make. We went with mismatched because my MOHs have very different body types and also because we knew spending several hundred dollars each was not feasible for the people we asked, but they are important to us and we want them to stand with us.

I was always told that the Bach parties were thrown by the wedding party. If they can’t afford to do it then I would just skip the formal parties and just go have a night out/in with your girls.
Your future hubby can do the same with the groomsmen that want to hang out and then the financial piece is eliminated.
As far as the BM not wearing the same colors as everyone else, that seems a little perplexing. I don’t know how much his suit will clash but maybe he could get a shirt and tie that go with the rest of the guys?But then again, my FH’s BM hasn’t even made his account to order his suit and our wedding is in November. 🤦🏼‍♀️

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Ours is in September and they just told me today!

The best man is kind of flaky in every aspect of his life and has been in and out and back in the wedding once, but he's his only full brother and they grew up super close so he couldn't justify asking one of his friends. And my MOH is under 21, so she was super helpful with ideas but can't book anything. The thing is that the people that are the least capable are the ones that ARE willing to chip in. Everyone else was all for it until it became more tangible.

Pre wedding parties should be planned and paid for by the wedding party. If they cannot afford them, you just don't have them. I am a bit confused as to why the color of a suit for a party is an issue but I would not let the color of a suit for an event that in the grand scheme of things doesn't matter, ruin a friendship or wedding planning/wedding day.

View Quoted Comment I can only imagine how frustrating that is. Hopefully everyone will pull together and get it done.
My fiancé and I are both originally from western PA so all of our guests for the wedding are coming from out of state. My MOH lives in Colorado, one bridesmaid and 2 groomsmen live in PA along with my mom’s side and his entire family, and my father’s side is in CT. Only the best man and one of my bridesmaids live in VA.

Are you saying he decided to use a suit that he already had, instead of renting/buying one in your wedding colors for your wedding day? Because YES, that is totally wrong. And I can TOTALLY see one of my fiance's groomsmen doing this and I would be livid.

As for the bachelor/bachelorette parties - me and the FH can relate to having friends who can't afford to do anything. As much as it sucks to say, they're all pretty unreliable. I have 2 MOH's and we're all 24. My fiance and his friends are 25-29, and let's just say we don't all have the extra expenses to have the best pre-wedding parties ever. But that's something we're sacrificing by getting married young I suppose! Can't have them anyway due to covid.

Before your bridal party agreed to be in your wedding, what amount did you tell them they’d expect to spend while being a bridesmaid/groomsman?

View Quoted Comment More important, what did they tell you their budget was, for dress or travel? Did they volunteer to cohost a shower, and what budget did they set for that?. Did the people wanting the bachelorette decide first on the budget they could afford, then see what they could do within their budget and time frame? Shower co-hostesses plan showers according to the budget they have. Bach party hostesses, often the whole group, plan to pay for themselves, then split the bride's expenses for the party itself ( not travel and other meals, lodgings. ) It sounds like you made the plans. Your friends and FI's have no obligation to any party they did not say their available
budget for, and plan. If it is beyond them now, cancel.