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Just Said Yes August 2023

After-party issue

Beth, on December 2, 2022 at 10:29 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 10
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I’m the maid of honor in my friends wedding, we’ve been “best friends” since high school, have known each other since middle school. We are now 28. She’s also the maid of honor for my wedding. Months ago, I was asked if my fiancé and I want to stay overnight at an Airbnb for a wedding after-party. I said we’d love to come to the party but will go home after because we have pets and don’t like to leave them alone, and my fiancé just really prefers to be home. Bride acted fine with that plan. I believe another couple in the wedding party is doing the same. One week before the wedding now, she tells me that her fiancé is worried about cameras that are at the Airbnb, and they’re worried about having more than 10 people there since the listing says it only sleeps 10. They’re worried the hosts will randomly come check and count how many people are there and throw us out for the night. I don’t think it will be a loud/wild party so I seriously doubt that would happen. Basically, I am uninvited to the after party by a friend who I have done so much for (I won’t bore you with details), have always supported her throughout her troubles and such. Also planned her bachelorette party! She’s not really showing any remorse, I did tell her how I feel but I wasn’t mean about it. Just told her I was looking forward to it and that I was very disappointed. Her response felt very customer service-y, she doesn’t seem sad at all that I won’t be there. What would you do?

10 Comments

Latest activity by Theresa, on December 3, 2022 at 4:06 PM
  • Katie
    VIP August 2020
    Katie ·
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    Hi Beth! If I were in your shoes, I would let it go. I know it is easier said then done, but sounds like your best friend is trying to compromise with her fiancé’s concerns and she is likely very stressed (happens a lot during planning). She sounds like a rule-follower personality type (that’s me too!) and we just take all rules seriously, don’t want to make any trouble, etc. I know you want to be there and enjoy all the amazing moments with her and that’s understandable. It’s hard to be the one to “take one for the team” but sounds like this is a friendship has a lot of history and not worth letting go of. I hope this helps ❤️
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  • B
    Just Said Yes August 2023
    Beth ·
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    I get that, but I mean, if she really cared, she would ask her fiancé to uninvite a groomsman, perhaps? I could never imagine doing this to my best friend/MOH. It would be an all-or-nothing, I would be calling off the whole after party so no one felt left out. Or do the party at my own home. (It’s only like 12 people in the wedding party and also the venue isn’t super far from where we all live, people could drive home).
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    Honestly I would let it go. I understand your disappointment, but I also understand their concerns about having more people than they're supposed to. It doesn't matter if it won't be noisy. If they have more guests than their reservation is for, the host can still kick them out.
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  • B
    Just Said Yes August 2023
    Beth ·
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    I understand that part, about the rules (even though I think it’s a little dramatic of them and they should have thought it out better), but what about her not even acting sorry about it? THAT is what really bothers me. I’m not trying to fight with her a week before her wedding, really Im not planning to, but it just seems like a hurtful thing to do to a close friend.
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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I'm so sorry. Are you and your husband the only ones being excluded from the after party? It sounds like this wasn't a well planned out event. Everyone after party I've ever attended for a wedding everyone on the guest list was invited to not just the bridal party, but it doesn't even sound like they properly planned to have the bridal party attend. We had our after party at a bar. My guess is she's probably fighting with her fiance able this which is making her stressed out. Maybe suggest having the after party somewhere else like a local bar. Maybe she would consider that.
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  • M
    VIP August 2021
    Michelle ·
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    I understand that you're hurt, but I really don't think think she has intentions to hurt you. If her wedding is next week, she's probably in survival mode-- fighting decision fatigue, dealing with complainers and pre-wedding jitters, and deciding the easiest solution for any problem. Even the most capable planner can shut down. Another bride here cried for days leading up. My husband and I did shots of tequila before family touched down. Try to let it go. Offer the alternative of a neighborhood bar as a meet up instead and just dance with your BFF at the wedding.

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  • B
    Just Said Yes August 2023
    Beth ·
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    That could be a good idea. Idk if she’ll go for it but it’s worth a shot. Thanks
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  • Shannon
    Super July 2022
    Shannon ·
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    Unsure of Airbnb rules, but it sleeps 10 people and you are not sleeping there. I highly doubt the owners will come checking and throw you out.
    This is poor planning on the bride and groom’s part as they should’ve secured one that accommodates all 12 guests if they were worried about this in the first place. If it were me, I’d be checking with the owners to accommodate you as guests who are not staying over.
    It’s poor etiquette to uninvite you.
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  • Erin
    Super May 2022
    Erin ·
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    I’m very sorry this happened to you and I would feel the same way. Unfortunately it sounds like they did not plan this very well. I personally would have cancelled the AirBnb if I was the bride because I would never THINK of uninviting people, but I’m guessing they’re at the point where they will lose money if they cancel the reservation. Agree with Veronica and Michelle. The few weeks leading up to the wedding can be some of the worst, anxiety-inducing times. I had in-laws trying to add guests 2 weeks out, friends asking about +1s, and shipments of items being delayed beyond on my comfort zone. She probably sounded customer service-y because she feels bad but is dealing with a ton of things right now and is trying to hide how stressed she really is from people. Unfortunately the best advice would be as others are saying - give her the benefit of the doubt and do your best let this go. You also have control over how close you remain. If it seems like after hers and your weddings she’s continuing to disregard your feelings on other things, you can refrain from reaching out and let the friendship fade.
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  • T
    Expert May 2010
    Theresa ·
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    Did she uninvite the other couple who isn't staying overnight as well? Or just you? Either way,
    I can see why you're hurt. If I needed to uninvite someone to a wedding afterparty, it certainly would not be the MOH. Since you already told her how you feel and she didn't seem to care very much, then I don't know what to tell you. Frankly, if I were in your shoes, I would show up for the wedding, but that's it. No more extras, no taking care of anything that day, I no more favors. I would either reconsider having her as MOH for your wedding or ask someone to be co-MOH and just leave her in name only. Depends on whether you want to stay her friend.

    Sorry I'm not giving as mature sounding, take the high road type of advice as everyone else, but I've reached the point in life that I don't let people take advantage of me or treat me like garbage. I just cut those people out of my life and am happier for it.

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