Advice needed: My husband is offended that my bridesmaids didn’t contribute to the wishing well. Not even a card.

So that beautiful bachelorette and all those extras for you? Those were gifts to you from them.

They don't owe you monetary gifts. In fact, it's against etiquette to ask for money from your guests at all. What on earth would you say to your closest people in your life "where's my money?". How do you envision that conversation going with them? Not giving your cash is no way dishonourable or disrespectful.

I would be gracious and be grateful for everything they did for you.

What? No. It's not valid, in my opinion. I mean his feelings are his feelings and it's not up to me to judge. However he does sound pretty entitled though. Is this how he acts in other situations, like his birthday?

He seems to be taking huge offence over something really trivial. I feel like your friends did their best to make it an amazing day for you. I'd think he'd be happy with that.

What does he gain from you bringing it up? An upset wife when her friends pull back because he is coming off greedy holding other people to his standards and expectations they don't know about. There is nothing to gain by bringing up that your friends, who lovingly spent money on a bach trip to celebrate you, did not give you a wedding gift.

He needs to figure out how to be like Elsa and let it go.

" I want to drop it and move on but in doing this will I be betraying my husband?"

Then drop it and move on. The bigger question is whether your husband indicated or implied that you would be betraying him. I hope not.

BTW, a card or written well wishes is always nice, and can be sentimental, but contrary to what some believe, only obligatory if sending regrets. And if your husband is stuck on the crass notion that people are supposed to pay for their plates, that is contrary to any reputable etiquette advice. Any wedding gift should be from the heart, according to budget and relationship. If they saw fit to divide their budget between pre-wedding parties and what they spent on the wedding itself, that is beyond appropriate.

I'm curious as to what the many "necessities" they contributed toward in addition to paying for the champagne were and if you or H asked them to do those things or they offered on their own.

It sounds like your husband quantifies his relationships in terms of money. If you both shared that value then all of his future presents to you would need to be the biggest and most expensive or his feelings would be in doubt. Ask him if he would like that kind of future? You can't buy honor and respect. But, I imagine he's felt he's had to do that in the past with his friends, and he's resentful of those who didn't [feel the need]. Real generosity is not giving more in comparison to others. That's just manipulation. You two are a team now and it would be good to discuss money, value, and love so you're on the same page.

He probably thinks he's protecting you by saying your bridesmaids should have done more. But, he's insulting you all by interpreting his brand of black and white rules to relationships he's not privy to. Bringing up anything owed would make you as a collective unit look ill-mannered and greedy.

BTW, pre-wedding parties are optional. People usually give what they can. Time is currency. Your bridesmaids planned a party, executed a fun party, and showed up for you on your wedding day. Why do they need to give you a card when they're physically there? You know this is love. You don't have to legitimize your friendships to your husband and this should not be giving you anxiety.

Your FH is being selfish and unreasonable. It's really unfair that he's even putting you in the situation where you feel you're betraying him by not causing a fuss with your friends for not giving him, specifically, a gift/money? That's wild. I've literally never heard of a "wishing well" OR gifting something only to the FH (unless you're a groomsman maybe?). Honestly, the way he's approaching this concerns me for your long-term relationships with your friends. Hopefully this isn't a sign of him being controlling with your friends in the future.

To be fair, I don't think OP is referring to a gift meant exclusively for the FH, rather something that is for both of them rather than for the OP alone. OP indicated they did plenty that benefited both of them at what sounds like considerable effort and expense. I wish she'd come back and answer some of these questions, but even if they gave no wedding gift beyond what they spend on pre-wedding events, which sounds considerable, there's no entitlement. Personally, I would prioritize a wedding gift over spending my entire budget on a bachelorette or even attending, but that's me.