Advice For Ffil's gf

Ugh, this sounds like an uncomfortable thing to have to deal with. Until I read that they don't get along I was going to say you should definitely include her. Since they don't, then I'd say she's going to have to sit this one out. It seems as though you and your FH have a good relationship with his mom and sorry for the gf, but a son's wedding day is going to trump "boyfriend's son's wedding day." It'd be different if this woman was more of a mother figure in his life but it sounds like that's not the case. As an adult she can be upset, but it's kind of her own doing because she can't be cordial with FMIL and I would NOT want that stress as I'm trying to get ready.

The first look with his parents is where I'm not sure if you should include her or not. Does FMIL have a partner who will be included? If so, then I'd say she should be as well... or you can make that easy and don't include the SO's as long as his parents can get along just fine together during that time.

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Yeah it's def. uncomfortable lol. She's very active with the grandkids, but with my FH and his brothers they don't view her as a mother figure. They've never called her 'mom', or referred to her in that way. So I guess that's why he says it's not a big deal lol. She's a know-it-all, and sticks her nose in other's business and will start drama, so I feel like either way there will be some with her lol. I agree, I really don't want to have to worry about them getting along while I'm getting ready.

FMIL has a SO but he won't be included in anything. His parents get along very well, so I'm not worried about them!

Thank you!!

From what you’ve shared, I’d say nay on the invite to join for the morning activities. Your FMIL’s comfort takes precedence here. Also, if she was badmouthing the bride at the other weddings then that’s not energy I’d want around while getting ready for my wedding. Morning of should be all fun and love. No drama.

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Thanks Melissa! I guess I just don't want her going around badmouthing me at mine, but at the end of the day, I can't control what she says or how she feels, Everyone knows I wouldn't purposefully exclude her to be spiteful or hateful, so I guess I just need to remember that!

I would not include her *especially* because she badmouthed the previous bride and doesn’t get along with FMIL. I didn’t even have my own mom get ready with me. It’s not necessary to include everyone in your most intimate moments.

To add based on your last comment: if she has the type of personality that she would do this, she will regardless. If you include her she’ll find something else negative to say. She sounds toxic.

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Thanks Cool! Your feedback was helpful!

She hasn't attended the last few events FFIL came to, and at all of them my FMIL was also present, so I think she's been distancing herself since the last wedding. Again, I can't control how she feels, so I need to try and not let her affect me if she does get angry.

View Quoted Comment There will be so many people who are so happy for you on that day, I hope she is one of them and/or you don’t notice her! Have a great day!

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You're right, thanks so much!

That's a tough situation. I agree with the others. It's not her son's wedding. Her feelings are secondary to your MIL'S feelings. You can't worry if she's going to be upset that day. You need to focus on what will make you comfortable and happy that day. If she bad mouthed one bride, she'll bad mouth you about something too.

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Thanks for the feedback Sharon! You're right, if she doesn't get upset about that, she'll probably find something else to take it's place so I don't need to worry about it!

I would not feel bad. First she isn't even really included in the pre-wedding getting ready, she is just another guest. Second if your fiance gave you the ok to exclude her then definitely take him up on it. And thirdly if she and his mom can't get along then why make unnecessary drama on your wedding day just to please the girlfriend that nobody likes. Na I'd definitely exclude her she is just a guest.

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Thanks Katie, I'm taking everyone's advice and listening to my FH on leaving her out. If she gets mad, then she gets mad.

Also to add
She sounds toxic and no matter what you do or how you try to please her she will find a way to complain and cause unnecessary drama. She sounds like one of those people who you can jump through hoops for and she would still find a negative about it. She bad mouth the other bride not because of what the other bride did but because the girlfriend isn't a mature adult. And id hate to say it and I hope it doesn't happen but she will probably bad mouth you no matter what you do. It's who she is, an immature girlfriend who needs constant attention. Let her be her and ruin her own image because she will. People who are coming to your wedding know and love the 2 of you and when they witness her toxic behavior it will only reveal her horrible character to them. I always say sit back and let the toxic person reveal their toxicity to everyone cause it only makes them look bad.

View Quoted Comment You're welcome, I hope everything works out in your favor.

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I totally agree with Melissa on this one! Also, if she was badmouthing a former bride, you do NOT need that nonsense around you on your wedding day. If she finds something to complain about / talk smack about during your wedding, it will make HER look foolish and rude.....not you! All in all, I can't really see any reason to include her, but it's very kind of you to consider it!

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Thanks for the input Allie!

I talked with my FH more about it last night and he's standing firm with his opinion on not needing to include her, so I'm going to do the same!