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Master February 2022

a question about Personal Vows!

Rosie, on December 22, 2021 at 6:02 PM Posted in Wedding Ceremony 0 8

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So my fiance and I have decided we would write our own vows, in addition to the very traditional "I, blah, take thee, bloo, for my lawfully wedded..." stuff.

I have had my vows written for over a year and a half, they are about 370 words/2 minutes long.

I have 2 questions for you wise wedding people today!

1. Is that an ok length? How long were your vows, if you did personal ones?

2. the majority of what I've written has stayed the same for the whole 1.5 years. But I'm really struggling with the intro and it's the bit I keep going back to in an attempt to improve/fix. My problem is this:

I want to tell my husband-to-be that there are some things in life that you fall inexplicably in love with, and there's no accounting for it. It doesn't make sense. It just becomes a part of your soul and who you are. For me, some of those things are coffee, pink and rabbits. I love them. I fell in love with the last 2 before I could even speak. And when I 'met' coffee as a teenager, I knew it was the beginning of a lifelong, passionate affair.

And then I mention that now - he is one of those things. Then, in my promises, I promise things like speaking kindly to him before I've had my coffee, etc, all relating back to the other things I mention being part of the fabric of who I am.

The problem is... it seems like a lot of rambling and not a lot of promising, but I need the set up to make the promises the way they're written.

It's been fine so far, because the vows haven't been due.

But they are now due in like, 2 weeks, and I'm kind of not sure what to do! I just checked, and the vows are:

1 third set up

1 third things I understand I am accepting in marrying him

1 third promises

So, how much rambling is too much? How long is too long? I don't want to bore people senseless and my fiance is a man of few (but very carefully selected and fully felt) words. He knows how many words my vows are roughly, and how many minutes I'm speaking for, so will try to match what I'm doing, but I'm just apprehensive that the flow isn't what people will be expecting.

Thoughts?

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Rosie, on December 28, 2021 at 6:11 PM

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on December 22, 2021 at 8:08 PM
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Vows are promises you make to your partner. A lot of the stress and other anxiety surrounding personalized vows is that some couples forget they are legally binding promises and will recite love letters instead. There is certainly nothing wrong with reciting letters as you might with a reading that the officiant does, but those aren’t vows. You can also save the love letter portion to share during a first look before pre-ceremony pictures.

Keep in mind that you will have a mix of emotions: you may be excited, nervous, and everything in between so take that into account if you plan to read vs recite something from memory. That has a huge impact on the length as well. You can practice reading them at home time to time them out, but there’s no way to know until the moment comes what your emotional headspace will be. Most vows are under a minute per person but your guests will never say they are too long so do what works best for you and your relationship.
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Rockstar May 2023
Pat · on December 23, 2021 at 4:58 PM
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The sell 'vow books' on Etsy, so you can write what you want to say in them. Your officiant will hold them until it's time to do your thing.
As far as what to say? NO ONE should be telling you what is "right" or "too much" or ANYTHING.... hence the concept of "personal vows". I have a base outline for mine (still a year and a half away) and seriously could give two you-know-whats what people think. My FH knows me well, so knows it's going to be funny and heartfelt and totally meaningful to US. Like, it starts out with "I knew from that first click of the mouse I was starting something good". LOL
Go with your gut.
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Rockstar July 2022
Lisa Online · on December 23, 2021 at 5:21 PM
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I am also writing my own vows! I think 2 minutes is a good length. Mine will be somewhere in the neighborhood of 1-2 minutes long (I'm still trying to finalize the first section, so I'm not sure of the exact length yet). As far as the wording, I would write what you want to say, and not worry about what anyone is expecting you to write. I actually think that having the vows split into thirds is a good mix of everything! That doesn't seem like too much "rambling" at all.
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on December 23, 2021 at 6:00 PM
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Thanks - our celebrant takes them and has laminated, fairly large text versions she gives us on the day so thankfully no need to remember them (which sounds suuuuper stressful).

We’re also not doing a first look, preferring not to see each other until the aisle.
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on December 23, 2021 at 6:03 PM
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I’ve seen those vow books! SO cute. Our celebrant prints/laminated big text versions to make it easy to read, so I don’t think we need them but they are sweet, especially in flat lay photos!
And aww thank you, your comments made me feel better! The “I accept” parts are very us - I mention understanding that marrying him means accepting someone who screws jar lids on too tightly for me to open by myself, and loads of other funny (but not embarrassing) things he does!
I think your approach will be heart felt and lovely
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on December 23, 2021 at 6:05 PM
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Aww thanks, this made me feel better! And I hope so. I have been certain of what I’d like to say for a long time, and it’s just trying to make sure I don’t stumble over it or go on for too long! But I suppose if you can’t wax lyrical about your partner at your own wedding, when can you?!
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January 1895
Jessa · on December 24, 2021 at 1:31 PM
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I would just remain conscious of how long the overall ceremony is. Then you have a good gauge of how long you want the vows to go. Unfortunately, people have short attention spans for events and you don't want to lose your crowd because the overall ceremony was to long. For instance, we went to a wedding recently in which the ceremony was 50 minutes in the sun. It was not enjoyable as a guest. A lot of "inside" jokes were said, that went right over most peoples heads. They had both regular and personal vows. Hand fasting. Sand ceremony. 3 readings. 2 songs and the officiants speech was very long. It seemed like everything and the kitchen sink.
Did they enjoy it? Its hard to say because by the end the bride was swaying on her shoes. I think it was even to long fo her
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on December 28, 2021 at 6:11 PM
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Ugh, I totally agree here.
Our ceremony will only be 30 minutes. We only have 1 reading, a ring warming, and 1 other thing right at the end as our witnesses are signing the register, so it shouldn't drag on too much.
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a question about Personal Vows!

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