3 years and no proposal..

Ooof this is tough it can be so hard to feel like you’re waiting for everything to fall into place. Here’s the thing though there will never be a perfect time, anything can happen when u least expect it to. You can fall in love with an amazing person but at the wrong time which really stinks. Only you can decide how long you are willing to wait for a proposal for. Communication. Is so important so make sure you have a kind, calm, and open conversation with him about timelines, deal breakers,and your future. I don’t love ultimatums but I think you can set a time in your head that if things don’t change then maybe it s time for you to move on. Whatever happens wishing you all the best. 💙

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I went through something similar with my ex, who I was with for 5 years. I was literally getting frustrated for you just reading this. I think the first thing you need to decide is whether marriage and children are deal breakers for you. If they are, you need to lay that out to him, pointblank. Although taking lots of time in a relationship to hit milestones, travel, be "free" together, etc. is great, our biological makeup unfortunately does not allow for that. While 33 is not old by any means, you are at the age where where you will need to start prioritizing getting pregnant if you want to have biological children. So I would decide if A. biological children are a must and B. at what age would you like to have your final child (if you want more than one). If biological children are not a must, you and your spouse could take more time travelling, etc. and then adopt when you are ready to slow down (or you could freeze your eggs and utilize a surrogate down the line). If giving birth to your child(ren) is a must, then you need to let your spouse know that you want to have your first child by X date, and see if he is on board. Unfortunately, sometimes loving somebody is not enough if their life goals do not line up with your own. It sounds like the two of you need to have a deep discussion about non-negotiables and see if you are on the same page. Wishing you lots of luck!!

Sit down and figure out together what you are each willing to compromise on and what are your deal breakers. It also would be beneficial to get an outside opinion from a couples therapist who can navigate you through the conversation.

So you're paying all the bills for him and he financially depends on you, but he wants to buy a house before getting married? Nope, I personally would like a confirmation of commitment before buying a house with someone who isn't even paying rent. If it's your money buying the house, you'd better have that house only in your name.


He started a career change three years ago but can't afford his own bills, let alone his fair share? I was assuming this would go in the direction of he feels bad he can't afford a "proper" ring, but instead he wants a year long vacation in Europe and a house, assuming from your money before he even thinks about a proposal? The way he wants to spend money feels like he'll never be financially stable.
I agree with other posters, there needs to be a true, serious talk about goals in a relationship here. But from an outside perspective from only reading this post, I get the feeling he's enjoying a life of traveling, no bills, and no commitment with them, and heck, he might even get a house out of it, too.

I agree with Brenda. There is no way to get financially stable, buy a house (unless it is all your money), and travel extensively and then buy an engagement ring and afford children. How is it he is living off you for years and is not mentally prepared to commit? He is 37 not 17. This just makes me mad. From your post, it looks very much like he is taking advantage of you. Maybe he isn’t, but it looks like it. He needs to pay half of everything. If he refuses, it is time to make some serious changes. I would get advice from the people closest to you. They usually can see things as they truly are

I’m with Brenda and Peyton. As I got deeper into your post, all I could think about was how immature and unrealistic his plans seem. And we all have our flaws, so I’m not saying at all that this makes him a bad person or even partner. But it does make his life goals inconsistent with your life goals. Also, the commitment of buying a house with someone is logistically just as much of a commitment as marriage. Unless, of course, he’s not planning to be financially on the hook for it or help with any of the responsibility. And why buy a house soon if he wants to be out of the country for a year? His goals are inconsistent with themselves, too, which means they might be an excuse for trying to put off marriage.

Call it what it is and admit he's giving you giant excuse after excuse. So now he demands a year long vacation on your dime before you buy him a house to commit? I don't understand why you feel the need to prove yourself through money and let's face it, mothering. I think he's pushing you to see what he can get away with.


Find someone who, like you, is an achiever, adventurer, and who can be an equal partner in responsibilities (bills, life goals). 3 years is long enough for suffering and short enough to start new w/o bitterness. Hot, stable partners abound in late 30s and 40s. BTW, never put a house or property in 2 names.

Hoo boy. To be honest, I do see a number of red flags in your post. It doesn't sound like he's financially realistic about much, and it seems like he relies on you to pay for mostly everything. Is this how you want to be in say five years? If not, I'd really have a close look at what each of you want and whether they are compatible goals.

Do not buy a house with him, you do that with your husband. Sounds like he playing games. If he need to get his money "right" there is no need for such a LOOOONG trip. You should really think about staying in this, might be time to move on.

Sure you work well as a couple! Why wouldn't he be happy when you're supporting him In the lifestyle he seems to feel entitled to? All was well until you brought up marriage. How predictable. Anyone who is not "emotionally ready" at 37 after 3 years will likely never be. Now he wants to take a year long trip and buy a home at your expense all without any commitment. TBH he sounds like a huge loser and user to me.

Oh honey, I am so sorry, You need to MOVE OUT. Start packing your bags today. Cancel any payments you are making for him. Say, I have made a decision and I am sticking to it and I want to be sure that you have time to really think about it .

In the meantime, it doesn't serve a purpose to be in contact. Do not answer his calls. Go and stay with your mum, or friends for a while. Start daydreaming about other guys.