1 Year Anniversary - Wedding Resentment

Yes!!!

We had so so so so many issues with our DOC who basically ruined our wedding. Honestly I started therapy this year which really helped me from holding on to grudges. Shortly after my one year anniversary we did a destroy the gown get together and I set that little lady on fire. We are planning to do a renewal at some point and I just look forward to that and celebrating other big life moments together (getting his green card, graduating from grad school, etc))

I’m so sorry you are feeling this way. We just had our wedding (9/8/19). I understand how you feel there were moments during that just get me so worked up but overall it was the best day ever! What I did since is discussed the parts about it that bothered me with trusted family and my hubby and they were able to turn it around as a funny moment that I can laugh about. Maybe you have someone that has a positive personality that you can talk to about those triggers. Not to just any family/friends cuz there are those people that would be like “Yeah I know ! I can’t believe so and so “ or what have you and make you feel worse. And as far as those triggers go, if it’s just photos that trigger it I would honestly throw those particular photos out or give them to those family/friends that are in the photo just to get it out of your house😂. Out of sight out of mind! And if it’s a gift or something like that I would donate it!

There was one point which was minor compared to anything else that went wrong where me and my girls pulled up to the church for the ceremony and the best man is outside in a tee shirt and shorts having a cigarette,30 minutes before the ceremony 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️He saw me and as I passed him I just smiled back and when I wasn’t in view I started cursing like I have never cursed before and one of the bridesmaids jumps out of the car and runs over to him and says if you don’t wanna lose your head I suggest you go get dressed. By the time she came back to the car I was in tears of anger! She kept saying it’s gonna be ok it’s gonna be ok and then I told her stop f$&@ saying that it’s not making me feel better😂. After I calmed down a bit and was ready to walk in I turned to my girls and said I wish I had a recording of that so I can laugh at it later😩😂😂😂.

But seriously I’m a huge photo hoarder and I pan on doing something similar to this before I move into my new place this weekend: get my sisters and kids together and purging photos if it doesn’t give me joy it’s going in the trash. Unless they see one that they want cuz I still have a lot with my ex and I’m sure my kids will want a few of those😂. I’m not taking any negativity to my next chapter with my love!☺️


Sorry for the long reply. I hope anything I’ve said helps you or sparks some idea of your own. Good Luck and Happy Anniversary 🎉.

I think as time goes on, you'll think less & less about the negatives and only remember the positives. I wouldn't further discuss the negatives since nothing can be changed, I'm sure you left reviews for the bad vendors? Other than that, I would just practice consciously being positive about the wedding and eventually it will come natural.

View Quoted Comment

Glad to hear that therapy has helped you overcome some of those grudges; I tried some therapy but still couldn't seem to get past it all. I like your idea of doing a destroy the dress! I was thinking of having us do a professional photo shoot with our wedding photographer on our 3 or 5 year anniversary in one of the National Parks we love. Wouldn't be wedding themed obviously, but wearing a pretty dress and having my husband in a nice suit while we just have fun, the 2 of us (and photographer), might help erase some of those bad feelings and help me focus on the happiness that my husband and I share together.

I actually went through your posts to read the one where everything went wrong, and I saw the one with all your pictures and all your rave reviews first. I couldn't tell at all from your faces that anything was amiss, you looked so happy! I feel like you should have some kind of physical or symbolic moment of release for your bad thoughts to indulge your anger and then try to move on from it. Maybe fill a pinata with postit notes of all the things that went wrong and just destroy it haha.

View Quoted Comment

Unfortunately for me, the biggest issue in our wedding were the little moments throughout the day that my in-laws ruined with their horrific attitudes and natural narcissistic personalities, so it doesn't really matter who I talk to about it, they all agree with how awful they were lol which just fires me up even more. It doesn't help that since the wedding they've basically cut my husband out of their lives all because I decided to tell them how upset I was during our wedding because of their behavior. Instead of apologizing and trying their best to make amends, they thought it was best to just treat us like we don't exist. Which now that I think about it, might be the reason why it's still so hard to let go of the bad moments.

Our DJ was just as bad. He never played the song we wanted during our cake cutting, which made it kinda awkwardly silent, he then completely forgot mine & my husband's first dance (after myself and the bridal crew yelled at him, he did finally give us our dance), and then he blew a speaker and we were without music for 30 minutes. Once everything was back up and running, he played several songs multiple times and played some from my "do NOT" playlist. It was just ridiculous lol I find it easier and easier to get past that and focus on the fun parts of dancing, so at least I'm making progress with getting over that haha

Love your idea of photo purging by the way! Too bad all the photos that make me angry are the one's with the husband's parents and sister lol unfortunately, I can't throw those out. If I could, I'd probably feel a billion times better haha

View Quoted Comment

I suppose you are right, as time goes on I'm less and less angry with my DOC and DJ (which yes, I left poor yet honest reviews of both), now if only I could leave a bad review for my in-laws and move on lol that's the dream

View Quoted Comment

I LOVE YOUR PINATA IDEA! I think you seriously may have solved all my problems. I think physically writing it all down, and then destroying the piñata would help me get out so much of my anger. I think an added perk could maybe be lighting the post-its on fire after they fall from the piñata

View Quoted Comment

Not going to lie, when a friend was going through a rough time, we did the burning post-it thing, which inspired my pinata idea. It was very cathartic! Happy smashing!

View Quoted Comment Absolutely love it. Thank you so much for sharing your idea!

View Quoted Comment Yesssss!!!😂😂😂

View Quoted Comment

I'm sure it forever changed your relationship with them for you and your husband, so I'm sure the repercussions are getting the point across.

YES!!!!

My Husband's best man and another groomsmen took him away from the reception for an obscene amount of time (we got married in Vegas had an in-suite reception and then a party bus for dancing) he missed his mom leaving because the best man and groomsmen needed to "Change clothes because they were uncomfortable and were worried about getting lost" Ummm you're the groom their are signs everywhere and also they were wearing POLOS, KHAKIS, AND CHUCK TAYLORS!!! I used to be BIG MAD about this originally (probably hormones because I also found out I was pregnant a month after the wedding lol) but when I couldn't find them I took everyone that was getting ready to party on the party bus and we opened all the liquor and started doing shots. Needless to say he was more sad he listened to them and let them take him away from our party and also that he missed basically the line up of shots we were doing in the room 🤣🤣🤣

It actually took me a while to stop thinking about it and I still get mad when I think about it but it's done and I can't do anything about it and other then that the day was so fantastic I hate to dwell on it.

Also my Husband had to buy me a replacement bottle of patron when we got on the bus to make up for it. Win win.

I’m not married yet, but I decided to not have a wedding, partially for this reason. I was super hurt that my in laws didn’t offer us any money, which I would have said “no” if they did but would have been touched by the generosity. To make matters worse, they never ask us any questions about our wedding plans nor have shown any interest.
Mom glad that my FH and I are eloping because I’m confident it will be stress free, drama free and resentment free.

You are not alone....I am glad to know that you have at least 80% of magical bliss to look back on. Try to hold on tight to that!

I think time will heal it and sometimes we have to let go of things and forgive people for our own selves.